Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hard News...

Joyce was somber and sad this morning when I stopped by to take her some breakfast.  I had carefully prepared a plate of warm Danishes, fruits, and buttery toast.

"My sister is selling my house," she said sitting in her kitchen as she started to cry.  "They are putting me in assisted living."

I didn't know what to say, but a feeling of anger welled up within me.  I swallowed my anger and just sat with her at the table holding her hand.

"Certainly there is something you can do?" I asked.

"She has power of attorney over me," Joyce replied between sniffles. 

Selfishly,  I thought of my own circumstances.  That of being a mentally ill man in recovery and also having my father with power of attorney.  I wouldn't know what to do either.  Mental illness can rob you of your independence and adulthood.  You are relegated to the rights of a child. 

"I love you," I told her as I hugged her. "Eat your breakfast and you will feel better."

I left Joyce sitting at that table and somewhat more composed.  Joyce is only 62 and much too young for the old folk's home.  She still isn't doing well, though.  Who knows?  She might like assisted living once she settles in.  I can only hope for the best. 


mosiacmind said...

OHHHHHHHHH I wanted to cry when I read about Joyce moving to assisted living. I wonder if there is like a half way home that she could live at where she would help yet some independence too. If you think of it please tell her that I will be praying for her and where she should live.I know too that you will miss her if she moves...perhaps she could have someone like home health aide check on her every day and still be able to stay at her home...these are the type of things i know are much easier to get what help she needs and be able to stay in her home if she lived in a big city i am thinking of getting a home health aide for myself just once a week who could run errands for me and also to help clean and those sort of things....i agree with you it is really sad.

mosiacmind said...

I want to add to this PLEASE take good care of yourself during all of this! I know you are a good friend and I know too it is easy to get spiral down when one arounds us is sad and having a bad time. Your uncle going into the back and getting medications was really wrong. I hope that your Dad talks to him soon. I am glad that you are still working. I miss working

Sharyna said...

I'm sooo sorry for Joyce! But some of those homes are really nice. They have activities and such. I agree with MosaicMind, your uncle should not be prescribing for himself.


Portia said...

That really stinks. I was so happy to hear about her when I read your post yesterday, although I never made it over to say so. I hope she won't be far. Maybe you will be able to visit her. I'm hoping for the best too.
Hope your day is a good one otherwise:)

Leann said...

I'm sorry to hear of Joyce's dilema. It must certainly be disheartening to know she has no power over how own life and well being. I agree in that some of the assisted living facilities are really nice and she will have levels of independence with the added benefit of someone helping her to remember her meds.

Take care of you while all of this is going on Andrew.

justLacey said...

Sharyna could be right. Joyce may get in a place that gives her people to be around and things to do. I do feel bad that her family feels she needs to move though. She has had such a rough time lately.

mago said...

Oh Mann, tough.
Let' s see what comes out of this.

CJM-R said...

Change will be hard for her and leaving you will be hard.

But she may find that she isn't lonely in assisted living and she will have the care she needs.

and hopefully it will be close by so you can visit.

It is very sad though to have no choice over your living arrangements.

Annabel said...

You are such a good friend. I hope things work out for Joyce. My aunt's mother in law thought she would hate going to the "old folks home" but turned out she LOVED it.

Tee said...

I was so sad when I read Joyce is moving to assisted living, but you know after some thought, this might be a good thing for her. She will get meals, meds and have social activities. Maybe you can make that part of your routine, to visit her. You have to visit her. When my mother-in-law went in to a skilled care facility it took her about two months to adjust, but once she did adjust she was happy as a clam. It was the BEST thing we could have done for her socially. It gave her nine additional years of quality life. She was in a really good facility. If you visit Joyce and visit often, she will get better care.

I'm concerned about what your uncle is going to do with the meds he took. Is he supplying your Mom?