My face feels flush. My arms begin to tingle and go numb. I rush to the bed to lie down. Thus starts another panic attack. An experience that is excruciating and painful. It takes about 3 hours to pass as I lay on the bed with a dry throat feeling like I can't swallow. My eyes dart around the room as black dots appear frantically trying to focus on something real. The need to urinate is overwhelming. Everything looks dirty and I panic at guests coming meaning my father. Is it my schizophrenia? Or just a simple panic attack? I don't know.
I pleaded with the powers that be that I will have no more. 3 days. 3 days without an attack. I almost feel normal again. I've cut out caffeine and all other stimulants. I miss the caffeine the most, though. That surge of energy late in the afternoon. The heightened focus. That razor sharp ability to get things done. I miss this ability far less than I do those damned attacks, though.