Friday, May 16, 2008

A Cornucopia of Food...

"I've got your groceries in the car," mom cheerfully told me after I opened my front door.  "I didn't think you felt like going to get them."

"Thank you so much," I implored as I gave her a hug.

I got all my groceries in and Mom ate supper with me.  Helen had just finished cooking and hadn't long left. 

"I always loved rutabagas," Mom said as we sat at my table gingerly shoveling in food. "Helen does them justice." 

"Too bad I don't have any hot sauce for them," I replied.

"What do you think is causing all these attacks?" Mom asked.

"I am pretty sure it is my medications," I replied.

"Don't tell your father that," Mom said. "He will freak out."

It is a catch-22 about my medications.  My father feels they are miracle drugs without side effects.  He gets angry anytime I disparage them.  I have little choice but to take them as they are fed to me every night.  I have cut out almost everything that would be causing these attacks including the Benadryl.  I haven't taken Benadryl in days.

Mom left after supper and I curled up on the couch with Maggie.  I was able to catch an old episode of Firefly.  My favorite Sci Fi show these days.   I was content with a full belly as Maggie groomed herself for the full hour.      


mosiacmind said...

Your mom reminds me of my mom....yesterday i asked if my mom would go to the dollar tree because i needed to have a new can opemer amd she said sure and when she was thee she got some hard candy for the dry mouth...and treats for gracie and some make up that i had just mentioned in passing tht i wante to get some. I am glad that your mom went to the store for you.

Charlotte said...

I hate it when my family doesn't get my anxiety attacks. They always think that something caused it... something OTHER than side effects from my anti-depressants. I hear, "what are you worried about?" "NOTHING!" It can be very frustrating at times, but I'm actually thankful that they really don't understand. I'm glad they don't experience anxiety and have no clue what it's like. I don't wish it on anybody. But your mother gets it, and that can be comforting. Hang on to that...

Tee said...

Did you tell you doctor about the anxiety attacks? He/she needs to know! Look at you 178 days of being sober. You are doing great! I love you writing about what you consider mundane. For instances, telling us how your Mom makes cornbread. Thrilled my heart, because few people know how to make real southern cornbread. Keep up the writing. :-)

amelia said...

Did you see the doctor yesterday or is it next week?

Kelly Jene said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Keep pushing through.

You and my hubby would get along great! He loves Firefly and made me buy him the whole first season and the movie of it.

justLacey said...

You alwys seem to get the attacks when you need your shot. Have you had any since you had it? There could be some problem there. Are yu still taking the risperdal pills to compensate for the shortness of the injection? I hope you figure it out soon. I hate that you are unable to enjoy things with that hanging over your head. The dr always told me the worst that would happen is you would hyperventilate and pass out. Still the feeling is beyong creepy.

justLacey said...

PS - Sent you a funny pick of the dog, did you get it?

Leann said...

I don't blame you for not taking meds when you've no idea what they are. Panic attacks ..... I have them once in a great while and they are no fun. I'm SO proud of you for doing so well on your sobriety Andrew. Keep up the good work and know my prayers are with you.


Summer said...

Did you make an appointment with your doctor?

PipeTobacco said...


Your Twitter message refers to your father giving you pink pills to take without telling you what they are or what they are for. If I were you, I would be very leery and would not take them.


Marsha said...

Your father does NOT have your best interest at heart. Tell him to take the pills first...then you will.

I hope you are able to sleep without the benedryl. It's good you stopped taking them.

If they caused the attacks, maybe you just need time for them to get out of your system.

Irishcoda said...

I love Firefly! Now that is one series that was never given a chance to get off the ground, darn it. I watch the episodes and also Serenity a lot because I enjoy them.

Panic attacks are nasty insidious things. YOu can never tell what is going to cause them and just about everything seems to make them worse--caffeine, nicotine, other meds, too hot, too cold, hyperventilitating, bright light...sometimes I would feel like I needed a bag to go over my head all day. I am hoping that these attacks will subside for you I know how debilitating they are. Hang in there!

forsythia said...

Didn't know that anyone actually likes rutabagas. Didn't know that it was even possible to "do them justice."


it's hard for anyone to understand an anxiety attack if they've never had one, and that's so challenging.
Parents. we love them, but we NEVEr understand them..clinical studies or not,..their intentions mean well, but just like an understanding of an anxiety attack, sometimes they just don't hear us.

how many days off of the Benadryl? That's good news! I hope you're able to sleep good, Andrew!
And my boys are saying hi to your lil Magpie. :)