I worried all day yesterday constantly. Worried about Rosa. Worried about my sister and her one year old, and how she was going to juggle all that and be a cancer doctor. Worried about Mom and her mental illness. It culminated into a big whiz bang anxiety/panic attack that lasted for hours and hours. Thankfully, it passed just about time for Dad to come over at 9:30 PM. Whew!!!! That was close. I couldn't bare to go through another search of my house for contraband that Dad is prone to do when I am feeling ill. Adding insult to injury.
This morning I am still in my pajamas. Not long from waking. I've been watching Maggie chase a fly -- her little "cleats" going clickety clack on my hardwood floors as she daintily chases it. It has brought many a childish smile and laugh. I am easily amused. It makes me feel lighter and better.
I find myself living through other people's blogs lately. Their lives seem so good and wholesome. Free of anxiety or panic attacks. I long to be so active and outgoing. I would love to go to an AA meeting today. Just to sit and listen to the AA speak and people watch. Alcoholics are such an interesting breed of person. Brutally honest once in AA -- almost to a fault. I admire that and need to emulate it more. I would love to get embroiled in constant AA meetings and gatherings again.