Thursday, April 10, 2008

Taking Liberties...

I didn't want to be at work.  My mind was busy.  I felt confused.  I grabbed tonight's deliveries and I left, saying good night to everyone.  Most of my deliveries were to the nursing home tonight so that made it a one stop affair.  I felt so guilty, though, for using my status as the bosses son to leave early.  No one said a word to me edgewise.   No one would dare.

"Not a good way to build trust with your coworkers," I told myself gratingly as I drove up the road to the nursing home.

I had never been so glad to walk in my house a moment ago.  I quickly put on my most comfortable clothes, petted Maggie, and lit a soothing cigarette.  Dr. Laura is playing on my computer and every TV is on in this house.  I realized this would be prime drinking time.  Anything to change my current reality to make myself feel better.  I self medicated for most of my adult life trying to get through these terrible little storms of the mind.  I feel somewhat better for having gone on in and at least having done the deliveries.  I didn't leave Angie, my father's co-pharmacist, hanging.

God, I want a drink something terribly tonight.  It is almost all encompassing.  It is time to get to an AA meeting.  We have a sobriety group meeting at 7 PM just 5 minutes from my house.  If I can just get up the courage to go.     

8 comments:

jrlmx2 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jrlmx2 said...

GO, Andrew, GO!!!! Don't give up or give in...... 142 days is quite an accomplishment. Hang in there!!

Kelly Jene said...

You've done such a great job. Don't give in. You've handled rough days before, and you will again. Get to that meeting.

Big hugs!

clarekin said...

Go to the meeting! You're doing so great and you have new coping skills. Have a good night!

Ryan Davies said...

Andrew, the link to your blog on your Twitter profile is screwed up. Might want to take out the extra "http://" ;)

Just thought I'd drop by and let you know. Hope you're well.

justLacey said...

By now you are probably on your way, if not please at least go and listen. You are doing well and life is full of little pbstacles. You will get past this one.

Tee said...

GO ANDREW, GO!!! You want to see day 143!

M said...

Take care! I am pulling for you to stay healthy and even keeled and no matter what to always wake up and try again tomorrow.