I didn't want to be at work. My mind was busy. I felt confused. I grabbed tonight's deliveries and I left, saying good night to everyone. Most of my deliveries were to the nursing home tonight so that made it a one stop affair. I felt so guilty, though, for using my status as the bosses son to leave early. No one said a word to me edgewise. No one would dare.
"Not a good way to build trust with your coworkers," I told myself gratingly as I drove up the road to the nursing home.
I had never been so glad to walk in my house a moment ago. I quickly put on my most comfortable clothes, petted Maggie, and lit a soothing cigarette. Dr. Laura is playing on my computer and every TV is on in this house. I realized this would be prime drinking time. Anything to change my current reality to make myself feel better. I self medicated for most of my adult life trying to get through these terrible little storms of the mind. I feel somewhat better for having gone on in and at least having done the deliveries. I didn't leave Angie, my father's co-pharmacist, hanging.
God, I want a drink something terribly tonight. It is almost all encompassing. It is time to get to an AA meeting. We have a sobriety group meeting at 7 PM just 5 minutes from my house. If I can just get up the courage to go.