"Big S has a life," I told myself as I feverishly walked through my neighborhood a moment ago. "He has 'friends' and people to hang with."
Grass always greener... The story of my life.
I was walking to walk off a panic attack. I have found that to be the best means to stave one off. I am still struggling with those damned things. I fear my body is falling apart.
You could become a drunk again. You could rekindle the friendship with George.
"Nah," I thought. "That would make the panic attacks worse."
Be the best you can be at AA. Go to every meeting. Meet people. Get out and mingle. Become a pillar of the community.
Now that was starting to sound more pleasant and doable. I would like that. If only I could get over my social anxieties.
I arrived home and my mind was racing 3 miles a minute with such thoughts. There has got to be something fruitful to expend this life doing. I think I am just going to go get in the bed and lay there for the rest of the day.