Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Crazy Walking Man

"Big S has a life," I told myself as I feverishly walked through my neighborhood a moment ago. "He has 'friends' and people to hang with."

Grass always greener...  The story of my life.

I was walking to walk off a panic attack.  I have found that to be the best means to stave one off.  I am still struggling with those damned things.  I fear my body is falling apart.

You could become a drunk again.  You could rekindle the friendship with George.

"Nah," I thought. "That would make the panic attacks worse." 

Be the best you can be at AA.  Go to every meeting.  Meet people.  Get out and mingle.  Become a pillar of the community.

Now that was starting to sound more pleasant and doable.  I would like that.  If only I could get over my social anxieties. 

I arrived home and my mind was racing 3 miles a minute with such thoughts.  There has got to be something fruitful to expend this life doing.  I think I am just going to go get in the bed and lay there for the rest of the day. 


villain820 said...

Social anxiety sucks! I know exactly what you mean. I say the same things over and over to myself. (My shrink works hard for her money)

But I know for me it is baby steps. Something new everyday - even if it is just saying hello to someone new.

You are doing well, keep it up.

C.A. said...

I wish I could motivate myself to walk like that. I hate doing it by myself. I think it's great that you have a way with coping with the anxiety in a healthy manner!


mosiacmind said...

First off I can just speak for me but am sure that others of us blogger buddies do not get pissed at you or us at others when someone is having a bad day. We ALL have bad days even people who do not struggle with mental illnesses! I have been having more panic attacks myself lately. I try to remember that April tends to be a hard month due to lots of issues....bipolar people tend to have it worse in I have some bad memories in as someone else said that I need to do and encourage you to take baby steps when and if you need to do so. I am glad that your mom and you had a good time togther.i really should drink more water and less pop and you encouraged me to do that when you wrote about it. I hope that you are taking great care of yourself. I think it would help me if I could take walks but since I cannot do it sometimes it helps me to just get out on my patio with Gracie just for a change. Please continue to write when you want to even if it is a bad day....remember your bloger buddies care good days and bad days happy and sad and even mad days.........


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neither here there near or far!
Baked Apple pie! :)


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