Monday, April 21, 2008

Clocking In Early...

I went in to work early today.  I mainly went in for the socialization that occurs at work.  I was lonely.  I got in a discussion with Dad about my buying regular Cokes last week.  He doesn't want me to drink them cause I continue to lose weight.  I can't drink them because they make me feel crazy! No shit!  My mind goes a mile a minute on "regular" Cokes.

"Veronica didn't hurt your feelings too much this morning about the smoking?" Dad then asked me.

"I know I shouldn't smoke," I told him. "I just don't have a lot of comforts in life and that is one of them."

Spoken like a true addict in denial.  We always have excuses. 

We got in a discussion about that rabid anti-smoking fervor these days has more to do with the "powers that be" manipulating escalating health costs more than about people's actual health.  It is always about the money.  I blurted out my tired old excuse that lots of schizophrenics smoke.  There are tons of medical studies about mental illness and substance abuse.  It makes me feel better about my habit.  I guess if I was a lemming then I would be walking off the precipice along with all the others.

Well, I am going to sit quietly in my office for the next few hours until time to do the deliveries.  I have to wait until close to closing in case some late ones come in.  I really don't have much to do today.           


mosiacmind said...

Hi Andrew...I hope that the rest of your day goes well. I know what it is like to go someplace just to get out of one's place. Speaking of case manager Al and I were talking about addictions and mental illnesses and such and he said that he has never known in his years of working with us with mental illnesses a person who has schizophrenia and did not smoke. I am trying to not drink regular by not keeping it at home but i seem to really be hooked on or addicted to pop diet or regular and especially cherry you still like the coca cola cherry zero? i really like it lots. I hope that you have a really great day friend

CJM-R said...

It is hard to give up everything at the same time.

It is good that you have a job where you feel comfortable enough to want to go to socialize.

Nice to hear that you and your dad are getting along so well and that you have a job that you enjoy.


agent wife said...

I read your post "why do I write this" that is not showing up here, but came up on bloglines and I wanted to tell you that honesty is gold, especially nowadays and that the same way you feel close to and eat up blogs about "normal" people's lives, I steadily read yours and am learning what life has been for many of the people we have and do know. I am very blessed in that I haven't had to deal with a lot of issues and never knew about social anxieties, the pull of addictions or feeling mentally off. Your writings help me understand the world more fully and have more compassion and understanding for so many that haven't been handed the same set of cards as I have. I admire your honesty and know that as you courageously share it, there are others who are encouraged and relate.

It's just me... said...

I'm sorry you're having a bad day, Andrew. I've had a string of bad days lately when I feel like I'm losing the battle with my bipolar disorder. I'm still fighting against drugs, but I'm not sure how long I can continue this way. Everyone has addictions my friend, and I can think, (as I'm sure you can) of things far worse than cigarillos and diet soda. Please let me know if you need anything that I can provide.

Kelly Jene said...

After having been a smoker for 9 years (quit 3 yrs ago) you can only quit when you're ready to. No sooner. And if you're never ready, so be it.

Thanks for commenting today, it was great to see you on there again. Big hugs!

Summer said...

I don't like the way diet coke tastes, Dr. Pepper, diet Barq's Root Beer and Sprite Zero are da bomb. You won't notice that the sugar is missing.

EE said...

I know all about ADHD and's the only way I can sit still to read a regular book:o