Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Apprehensive

I feel apprehensive today.  Worried.  I am happy though.  I worry my mental illness will never allow me the amount of functioning I read on other's blogs.  I read Annabel and I am continually amazed at the amount of activity she is able to do.  I feel apprehensive in that I know I could never do that.  Be that active.  I hope to be that way someday.  My father is.  And so is Charlie.   They are twice my age and are constant whirs of motion and activity.  Sometimes, it is just hard for me to wake up, piddle around the house all afternoon, and then go into work.  I really feel like I've accomplished something then.  I want to be like them -- so active, so working, so vibrant.  I fear it is going to take some type of rehabilitation to get me back to that level. 

6 comments:

Barb said...

My word, you are doing exactly what is best for you. Visit your life a year ago...see the difference? See the level of functionality that you have reached as of late? See the relationships you have maintained, the healthy nature of these friendships/Relationships? See the countless friends you have made via your blog, real people reading about you, cheering you on? You are amazing!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Ah, but one year ago, or even six months ago, you never would have believed the level of function and activity you are enjoying today, Andrew! Never compare yourself with others, just take it one day at a time and be proud of the progress you are making on becoming the man you want to be! Other people's lives always look better than ours, but in reality they have their down times and bad days too, we all do!

mosiacmind said...

i agree so much with what josei two shoes wrote i could not have written it better.

Chandira said...

Some people amaze me with their functionality too. I think that's pretty normal.

Functionality for some people is something they hide behind, rather than let themselves feel what's really going on. I have a very functional husband, I get to see that side of it. ;-)

Cheryl said...

I've read all your posts, but I'm putting the comment here. You are doing so well, Andrew. You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone else. Being active and 'productive' doesn't make someone better than another. I wish I could relax! I wish I had more friends. I wish I had a social life. And people wish they could be like me? The grass is not greener on the other side. And crying? That was something you needed to do. Don't be ashamed. You're a better person because you admit you're human. There's good days, and some not so much. That's life for everyone. Josie said it very well!

I hope your night is better, my friend.

Tee said...

I too have read all your posts--I've missed a few days. I have to ditto Cheryl and Josie.