Monday, February 11, 2008

Work is a No-Go!

Wasn't able to make it in tonight.  I was forced to stay home by veiled threats. My father came back over just as I was walking out the door to head to work.  He had went and bought me some diet Cokes.  He saw the uniform and immediately knew I had a job.  We argued furiously.  His biggest concern was me not thinking correctly and losing my Medicare part D coverage.  Medicare part D pays the full $2000 of my medication's cost.  Dad said any increase in my income and they would no longer pay.  I had the biggest anxiety attack after he left.  I laid in the bed and cried my heart and eyes out.   It took an hour for me to get over my attack.  They are so physical with me seeing things out of my periphery vision. My heart will race and my throat will grow incredibly dry.  I am going to bed.  I took all six Benadryl tonight in an effort to "medicate" my anxiety.  I might not write for a few days due to embarrassment.   I feel like such a schmuck for hyping this job so much.  I'm as bad as "The Homeless Guy."  And I was so critical of him not keeping his job.  What goes around comes around.

On a positive note, Dad strongly encouraged me to go the vocational rehabilitation route.  He will support that.  They will work with Social Security to ensure I keep my benefits he said.  

42 comments:

stellablue said...

Im so sorry to hear you couldnt go! I know how much you'd been looking forward to this. I was routing for you!

You might want to call them to let them know you arent coming in. And, I'd call and find out for sure about the Medicare part D tomorrow - perhaps your father is exaggerating.

Best of luck to you Andrew - I hope this passes and you are back in good spirits again soon!

Stellablue

Jbeeky said...

Oh Andrew. There is nothing embarrasing about it. I find your candor and emotional honesty uplifting. You are having a tough time reconciling your loss of benefits and your desire to be a working person. I hope you feel better and still blog. Hugs,
Jill

Leon said...

No embarrassment allowed!! Look back and appreciate how far you have come just in the past few months. And if your dad supports the vocational rehabilitation, it seems like a lot of progress has been made just within the family.

Keep plugging away at getting better. Your ability to share all this with so many of us is, in itself, a significant sign of improvement.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I am thinking of you tonight, and hope you remember:

"I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy."

~ Marie Curie

Your Father is right. And you are right to want to work. You will get there. If nothing else, you proved you are someone that can be hired. That's big.

I think this didn't work out because something bigger is waiting for you.....

Cheryl said...

Look how supportive your fans are already. We're here for you Andrew. Through thick and thin. Please don't be embarrassed. We're all friends, and we all care about you.

Cheryl said...

PS..One thing that I love about Twitter is that I can see that you're ok right now, in real time. You go!

PipeTobacco said...

[sigh]

And he is your designated payee as well.

PipeTobacco

justLacey said...

Pipetobacco we know that, but his Medicare Part D being in jeapordy isn't a good thing either. If he loses his benefits it would be hard to get back and if you have ever been without good health insurance and sick, you know how awful that is.
Andrew, don't feel bad. At least you can still go the vocational rehab route and February is almost over as far as you getting some spending money again. Be patient, I know it's hard. I am sorry things happened the way they did tonight. One good thing is you know you are employable now. I am still looking, lol.

pattycakes said...

aww andrew its ok dont be embarassed. i cant tell you the amount of times i have done just that . not gone in to a job . and i didnt have your dad on my butt lol you will feel better tomorrow you have come so far dont get sad and embarassed now . im sure after a good cry you will feel better :)i know i do . so onwards you go . life is good for you . good nite sleep well hope you come back soon

Tee said...

Don't be embarrassed. Things just didn't work out like you had planned. You do want to keep your Medicare Part D, so you can have your meds. Listen to your Dad go the voc. rehab. route and you can have both--a job and Part D. Just remember your Dad loves you and wants to best for you. So, get a good night's sleep and tomorrow will be a better day. Looking forward to you blogging. :-)

azure said...

Andrew, maybe it's just not the right time yet. You can try it again. You got mighty close this time to doing it.

ac said...

I'm so sorry this didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Please don't be embarrassed. You gave it all you had to give.

I have been wondering if working would put at risk your medical coverage.

I have personally known people who have gone thru voc-rehab and kept their coverage. They have gone into the program and have come out the other side. They are now in the work force. I hate to agree with your father but I think voc rehab might be a good answer for you. And if it's something he will support then that's half the battle fought and won. Just want you to know I'm pulling for you. Good luck to you. ac

Kelly Jene said...

You know, the simple fact that you alone went through the steps for the job and secured it, is a huge break through for you! You should be proud of it. But you know, from my standpoint of not having insurance and desperately needing it, I can totally understand your fathers view. Insurance is so needed and to have it is a good thing.

Head up dear one. You will do well with the vocational training. You are proof of that already.

Many hugs.

2sunset said...

Have you considered doing it anyway?

All you want is to be in charge of your life, right?

The American health system really seems to be sabotaging your full recovery doesn't it?

Perhaps the Democrats will get in and really do universal medicare like Canada, France, Great Britain, Germany, etc etc etc...

Perhaps this "work OR get meds" dilemma will be a non-issue very soon for you my friend! : )

Moonroot said...

Dear Andrew,
So sorry this didn't work out for you. But there is nothing to be embarrassed about. We are all so proud of you for proving you could get a job. I'm sure under his anxiety your Dad must also be proud of your initiative and desire to work.
It sounds like the vocational rehabilitation is the safest option to keep your medical coverage. It will work out.

mago said...

84 and counting.

Summer said...

Stay strong today.

P said...

2sunset - i'm canadian. universal healthcare does not generally pay for medication, fyi.

andrew - sorry your night was so rough.

forsythia said...

No need to be embarrassed. Tomorrow is another day. You are one plucky dude. Anyway, here's hoping you can find another job that doesn't involve such a long commute.. (although around here, a commute on 18 miles one way is nothing unusual).

CJM-R said...

It is OK Andrew, nothing to be embarassed about. Complicated stuff with the insurance and the part D. Dad will support you working through Vocational Rehab and you want that, too.

It will all work out!!

CJM-R said...

It is OK Andrew, nothing to be embarassed about. Complicated stuff with the insurance and the part D. Dad will support you working through Vocational Rehab and you want that, too.

It will all work out!!

amelia said...

2sunset


Canada does not pay for meds at all. A lot of working poor don't take what they should because they can't afford it.

Andrew, keep your chin up, there are better days ahead!!

Terri said...

I'm sorry to hear this Andrew. You worked very hard to get to this point.

Ally0005 said...

You are not as bad as the The Homeless Guy. You were walking out the door to the job when you dad came back. Your dad made you quit not you.
I understand what he is saying. He wants to make sure you have all you need, he is trying to look out for you in his way. I wish you both could sit down without fighting and talk about what you want in your life and see if there is somewhere you both can work together so you can achieve it.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Andrew, I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry because I knew how hard you worked at getting this!
I'm very very sorry you have to go through this right now.

I'm here if you need to vent!
Sincerely,
Elizabeth

♥ Kirs ♥ said...

Andrew,
YOU suited up & showed up to the very last minute until your Dad informed you about your health insurance. You made ALL the right steps, but MOST of all you took the First step towards having a new job ... that's huge!
Instead of feeling bad, please reward yourself for having the courage to get on with your life, to WANT to be a productive human being -- that's not small stuff, that's a big deal.

I admire you Andrew! There is no shame here, if anything, there is HOPE. Go forward, don't look back -- there WILL BE a job for you.

Hugs to you friend :)

jane said...

thinking of you,
jane

nengaku said...

((Andrew))
I understand the embarrassment but I also really appreciate you sharing all this with us.
I also understand the frustration with being "professionally crazy" and the limitations that imposes re: benefits etc. I really hope we someday get a universal health care system that would make this a feasible plan for you.
Meanwhile - you DID it! You found a job and got hired and hung in there to the last second! Woohoo!
I'm so PROUD of you, my friend.
I'm considering selling veggies and herbs at the farmers market this year in order to keep busy, make money, and keep it all "off the books" so I don't jeopardize my benefits. Maybe writing is a similar option for you?
Peace, brother. And thank you for sharing all this with us. You are my hero, you know.

simonsays said...

It's all okay and will work out, you wait and see. No one faults you for any of this, you have done a great job - finding work, being so excited. I feel sorry for you - but things will work out perfectly in the end. You do need your medical coverage, and maybe voc rehab will be just the right thing for you!

:)

impromptublogger said...

I'm so so sorry it didn't work out. I know how much you were looking forward to this. But your Dad is right about the Medicare (unfortunately) and I am hopeful about the vocational rehab.

Nothing to feel embarrassed about! You did it - you got a job like you set out to do which is quite an accomplishment.

muttonfish said...

Wow...look at all these comments! If nothing else, I hope this has at least showed you how many of us are out here pulling for you! You are so well-liked and respected, because of your honesty and your grit. Kudos to the effort. This was the first step to something better. Again, I am very, very proud of you.

Sharyna said...

Well, it was an adventure. Everything in life is. Call Voca Rehab today. I'm sorry you couldn't do it. Maybe you can go to the beach with Rosa now.

sharyna

Eric said...

Let's see: You diligently hunted for a job at numerous places. You interviewed multiple times. You were accepted by a major company who decided that you would make a good employee. You made plans to go to work. You got ready and were headed to work when you Dad showed up. seems to me that you have a lot to be proud of. Way to go, Andrew!.. You are making so much progress.

KYRIE said...

Yes, Andrew. I totally get it how bad it feels. U worked so hard for this, and it hurts seeing all ur efforts slip away. But u took those steps, which needed a lot courage, and I am proud for u.

And the voc classes, I know it is difficult whn those people keep being so cold. Since ur dad says he supports this, its time for u to ask him to pull some strings there for u to get u in.
And would not u consider going to some Writers workshops at a local college? Do sth for urself as well on the side, stuff u love career wise.

i got my 1st college rejection 2 weeks back (through an email), and it fell like hell n humilating. So sharing my misery with u today:)Cheer up buddy.

Barb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barb said...

I support whatever you did, stay strong!

B~

Dreamlight said...

Andrew , I have been reading your blog for a little while now but have never commented. I want to encourage you to work with your dad on this because he really does have your best interest at heart.I think you should look into the possibility of working from home and, or writing another novel.Having a daily schedule of exercising , reading , blogging, writing , cooking, cleaning, visiting friends and neighbors.Walking Maggie ( who is adorable) and maybe doing some art projects.There is so much to fill our time if we just look at it differently.Praying for you sweetie.

Marsha said...

If a democrat gets in office, I'm moving to another country. And, I might add, one with NO universal health care. Speak to someone living with it...it's not a good thing...period.

Andrew, it's hard to say this without knowing your financial situation, but it seems to me your dad is a control freak. Isn't it odd that both you and your mother suffer from anxiety attacks? The common denominator is YOUR DAD.

Is he really concerned aobout your Rx coverage or the rest of your money he is controling?

Portia said...

I know that was a major disappointment, but please don't feel embarrassed. You are on a path somewhere and this was just one of many steps to get there... don't let it get you down. You will find your niche.

villain820 said...

I know how you feel. I am in a similar situation concerning fathers. You will prevail.

Good Luck with vocational rehab!

anonymous said...

Well now that we have that nonsense out of the way:

Make Rosa your representative payee and move in with her.

Work under the table, you are smart enough. I suggested you sell stuff on ebay (have Rosa as the official owner though). That way it won't affect your benefits.

Do you really think your father hasn't been reading all your comments online?

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