Monday, February 4, 2008

Strike Three

Struggling today.  I drove all the way to Lagrange, 20 something miles, and got a case of social anxiety.  I just couldn't muster up the courage to go inside.  I got it in my head that I was going to be accosted at tonight's meeting.  Accosted over not having a dollar to put in the basket.  It is kind of bad night with me running out of cokes and the replacements are in my parent's garage.   Dad is at work and mom spends every Monday night visiting with an elderly family friend. 

Mental Illness ebbs and flows.  I've had some really good days lately -- so good, I almost thought I was cured.  Tonight serves to remind me I'm not out of the woods yet.  Bad days happen.  I've tried to do too much today.   I am now going to spend some quality time online -- my Google reader backlog is getting ridiculous.  I shouldn't do these frivolous updates either.  I've got to put more effort into my writing and not make this a boring "day in the life" blog.  It just feels good to write and share -- addicting almost.   

14 comments:

amelia said...

I, for one, am very glad you share!!

Everyone has days where everything goes wrong, with or without mental illness. Just pick yourself up and keep on living the way you have been.

You are doing just great!!!

CJM-R said...

You did do a lot today. Breathe and move forward. Tomorrow is another day.

Have a good night, Andrew.

Barb said...

"Attitude of gratitude" and "Bad days happen" those are the things that stood out in your recent blogging entries. Hold fast to that which lifts you up, cling to it, when you feel too weak to stand alone. Know that you are thought about by many, close to home and far away.

B~

Sharyna said...

None of your bloggings are frivolous! I enjoy your day in the life blogging!

sharyna

Brad said...

Sometimes the day to day stuff post is all I can muster. I just appriecate a post/update. Sorry today was hard. Peace to you bud.

Manifesting Mini Me (MMM) said...

The Andrew that is socially anxious and is afraid of being accosted is as worthy of love as the Andrew who has good days - keep on keepin on, Andrew!

Thodgson said...

Please keep sharing. I may not comment daily, but trust me when I say I check in on and pray for you daily. And i agree with the others bad days happen, indeed.. I had a woozie of one yesterday. Again it had a lot to do with trying to do too much in the 24hr day we are given. The day started out great went to church, walked with my Husband and 5 year old in the 55 degree weather, cleaned house, went to a meeting, then that is when it happened something got thrown away and when I asked where it was and was given the answer I was shocked and replied to the person in a not so nice way -then the guilt and social anxieties came crowding my soul even after I apologized they apologized we all hugged and knew it all was just a huge misunderstanding. Still my mind would not stop replaying my rude comment to her - I was ashamed.. My husband reassures me that I am thinking about it too much and that what I said wasn't wrong it was a human response to be shocked and/or disappointed but I am my own worse critic and will probably beat myself up over this one for at least two more days...
(Sigh) I guess I needed to unload that - Sorry
Thanks for sharing with us - You are not alone, We care about you Andrew and wish you only the best-

T Hodgson

Kelly Jene said...

I know for me, Andrew, I come here with no expectations. I just want to check in on you, see how your day was, see if anything exciting happened and update on how you are doing. Nothing more.

Take it easy. By the way, I like the creamy background color. Comforting.

cherirocks said...

I've been reading this blog for awhile, but I don't think I've ever commented until now. Just wanted to let you know that I actually like reading your day to day stuff....I work 3rd shift, so by the time I get to work, you've usually posted several things each day & I find them all interesting. And, yes, the ebb & flow of mental illness sucks (clinically depressed person here...probably more manic but haven't been officially diagnosed as such...) and it seems for me lately I've been stuck in the down side of the mania. It never ceases to amaze me just how "stuck in our own minds" people with mental illnesses are. We can never get away from being so self aware, probably the reason we suffer mental illness to begin with (aka if everyone were as self aware as we are, they'd be depressed too...LOL!) But so many of the world's geniuses and greatest artists suffered similar illnesses, with great suffering comes great gifts as well. Gifts of empathy, gifts of creativity, gifts of insight, etc.., I don't know where this is going, now I feel I'm rambling. Anyhow, love your blog - that was my point. :)

justLacey said...

These setbacks are normal. Everyone has them. They will become fewer and far between. It may not ever completely go away, but it may be years between them and they may not be as severe. People with anxiety attacks just have that type of personality. Sometimes even the most outgoing person is hiding it.

Tee said...

I love your blog. Thank you for sharing your day to day routine/experiences. We all have bad days. Don't let this incident stop you from trying. You are doing so well, keep up the good work. Go back to the next meeting, tomorrow will be a better day. :-)

mago said...

Replacing a(lcohol) with b(logging) seems to be not too bad to me.
It's just a bump in the road, no crisis.

mosiacmind said...

hang in there.....i am trying to hang in there myself

mosiacmind said...

i reread what you wrote and what i wrote and i agree with mago computer time is much better than alcohol. i also want to remind you it is part of the disease that we get adicted to things...good and bad and i do not think computer times are bad in the realm of all the things one can chose to do.