Saturday, February 9, 2008

Scheming...

I realized today that I don't even have to tell my parents I am working.  It is none of their business.  I am a grown man.  Dad will arrive every night around 9:30 with my medications.  I will have already showered.  I will leave the house at 10:30 to be at work at 11 PM.  I will be home at 8:30 AM in the morning in time to get my injection for my schizophrenia every two weeks at 9 AM.  There is no reason for them to know.

But you know what?  I feel wrong for doing that.  I still feel as if I am a teenager all over again.  It is hard for me to believe I am 35 years old.  The boundaries between my family and I have become inexorably muddled over these past few years of my dependence. 

When I took a job working at the grocery store at the shopping center where the gang hangs out, my father berated me so badly.

"I can't believe you did that without consulting me," I remember him telling me over the phone angrily. "You need to quit."

I quit the job due to the pressure my family was putting on me.  It was actually the perfect job to suit my disability.  I didn't go into the trial work period which is so precious.   There was no stress involved.  All I did was wrap vegetables and fruits all morning in plastic wrap to be sold.  I should have never quit that job.

But, think of this... Isn't there something terribly wrong with just having to hide going to work?  My best instincts tell me that I am caught in a terribly unhealthy relationship.  I have worried and fretted over this so that I feel frazzled.  

6 comments:

Jenn said...

Honesty is usually the best policy. My fear is that what if your dad wants to stay and visit and you have to leave for work or if he's late coming over? I think your family has seen you fail so much that they can't remember you succeding.
Any chance the grocery will give you back that job?

Sharyna said...

If Dad doesn't ask, don't tell! It's working for our military...

sharyna

justLacey said...

Why not see how it goes the first week or so and then tell? If you can't do it then no harm done and if you can, well he will have to learn to accept it.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

I say, do what WORKS, not what you 'think' is the right thing to do. Never mind whats 'right' for now, lets just try this job lark, and see how we get on, and THEN spare some thought as to what is 'right'.
First things first.
1. get the job
2. keep the job
3. worry about what everyone ELSE 'thinks' about you having a job.

sort that stuff out later. for now, concentrate on doing the job. family drama comes waaaaaay down the list of priorities.

so dont you go worrying about all that stuff. you will have more than enough to think about with the job.

Anonymous Boxer said...

If you tell him now, you'll be hearing HIS anxiety, not yours. HIS anxiety has nothing to do with you or your life. It's fine to create some space and boundries until YOU decide if you want to keep this job.

I'm more "worried" about the 3rd shift. Not easy so please be easy on yourself right now.

Cheryl said...

Good advice here for telling, and not telling. I'm staying out! I wish you the very best, and you know that.