I borrowed twenty dollars from my Rosa this morning and felt terrible about it (Rosa just doesn't have a lot of money to spare). I hate this being broke all the time. The job hunt looks less and less promising. It is going to be a long wait until April when my father begins giving me my disability money again. I still haven't heard from all the applications I filled out and turned in to a lot of McDonald's. They were my last hope.
Ferret and Big S were nowhere to be seen this morning. The shopping center was dead. I sat for a little while drinking a chocolate milk and eating some cheese-on-wheat crackers. I jealously watched as people shopped and felt left out. I have so many goals and desires, and I seem to be spinning my wheels. Story of my life. At least I am doing it sober this time.
Well, I don't really feel like writing much today. Today, mom comes with my groceries -- microwave meals and pizzas. I am tempted to drive back down to Vocational Rehabilitation (long ass drive) after she comes and insist on seeing a case manager, or in the hopes of getting a more receptive and kind receptionist. I just feel this need to be doing something positive and life affirming/changing. I hate sitting at home and wasting my time online. I spend too much time listening to the radio as I sit at this computer. I will write again soon.