Friday, February 1, 2008

Life Affirming/Changing

I borrowed twenty dollars from my Rosa this morning and felt terrible about it (Rosa just doesn't have a lot of money to spare).  I hate this being broke all the time.  The job hunt looks less and less promising.  It is going to be a long wait until April when my father begins giving me my disability money again.  I still haven't heard from all the applications I filled out and turned in to a lot of McDonald's.  They were my last hope.  

Ferret and Big S were nowhere to be seen this morning.  The shopping center was dead.  I sat for a little while drinking a chocolate milk and eating some cheese-on-wheat crackers.  I jealously watched as people shopped and felt left out.  I have so many goals and desires, and I seem to be spinning my wheels. Story of my life.   At least I am doing it sober this time. 

Well, I don't really feel like writing much today.  Today, mom comes with my groceries -- microwave meals and pizzas.  I am tempted to drive back down to Vocational Rehabilitation (long ass drive) after she comes and insist on seeing a case manager, or in the hopes of getting a more receptive and kind receptionist.  I just feel this need to be doing something positive and life affirming/changing.  I hate sitting at home and wasting my time online.  I spend too much time listening to the radio as I sit at this computer.  I will write again soon.   

10 comments:

esellsbarefoot2 said...

Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of perseverance — i.e., believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.



I sent this to Jaime, because she and her family could really use hope..never give up!
you're on 73 after all.

Always,
Elizabeth
p.s. What happens when you defrag? Can you lose anything? I'm scared to do it..

thanks!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

WIERD! Sorry Andrew, I must have been signed in with my barefootbooks email, but don't know how that happened..
it's just me, crusty.
but I never signed up for barefoot book userid in blogspot..
grrr..this stuff confuses me.

Have a great day!
Always,
Crusty/Elizabethb

Andrew said...

Elizabeth,

Thank you. No harm will come from defragging your harddrive. It just orders fragmented files together so you computer can more easily access them thus speeding it up. If you've never done it then it will really speed up your computer.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'm off to defrag because I'm tired of shoveling..
thank You Andrew!
Sincerely,
Elizabeth

Jenn said...

What happens to your disability money if your dad is not giving it to you? Does he put it in the bank for you? I sympathize about being broke. I'm always poor lately and it's getting so old. Especially when you watch your friends go out to eat and the movies all the time.

Andrew said...

Jenn,

The money goes to the upkeep of my house and me, and all my monthly bills such as utilities and internet access. Dad is very keen on keeping receipts of everything spent.

Leon said...

Andrew, instead of the long drive to Voc Rehab, how about an advance phone call to make an appointment. I know you don't like to use the phone but it could save you a lot of time and frustration.

Take care and keep moving forward. It's good to see the days adding up on your sobriety counter. You will make it!

Summer said...

How are you feeling today? Is your fever gone? Have you thought about asking Mom to buy some fresh food instead of the frozen variety?

Cheryl said...

Dear Andrew,

I'm sorry you're stuck when you want to go. How frustrating! I'm hoping you get the word on a job, or some other endeavor...you have too much energy just waiting to be used.

BTW, I defrag and clean up my hard drive regularly. It's still too slow. I clean out spyware and adware. I don't know what else to do. I probably have to wait for the next computer.

mosiacmind said...

hey dear friend...i always can relate to what you share it seems to me. i was thinking that the job that i am interviewing for would be a great job for you to have except would be a push for you because of calling people on the phones...it is not selling or such which is good becaue i would not be comfortable doing that. i will most likely sometime soon send you an email. i know it can be hard to hook up to bvr but sometimes the
squeeky wheel gets the grease some proverb i heard in the past about how if you want to get attention keep keep keep on trying to get in contact with bvr so i would encourage you to contac them again either thru phone calls or going there. i know it does not make sense how bvr wants people to see a case worker but if you are trying to hook up with them you have to get a case manager if you decide to go there or call i would just blunty ask what do you need to do also i would encouarge you to keep track of when you contacted them and such because it you can show how much you are doing to get into bvr, take care,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,