Friday, February 1, 2008

It Just Feels Wrong...

I've thought about this for hours.  As usual, I told my mother about it, but she didn't have anything to offer.  My mother can't make a decision without my father's help.  It just feels wrong to go behind my father's back and to get my disability changed.  We are talking again like father and son (The first time this has happened in years).  If I were to go through with this, then I would destroy that and I know it.  I will talk to my father tonight and we both will decide what to do.  This may be the impetus he needs to begin trusting me with money again.  I can't forget what he did for me in buying me this house and my car.  I knew there would be a price to pay when I took a home out of homelessness with my family's help.  I knew it wouldn't be easy as no journey out of homelessness ever is.  My sobriety must come first and, honestly, not even I am sure I could trust myself with lots of cash at this point.  We will see what happens tonight after my and Dad's talk about this.  I hope I didn't piss everyone off by doing this.  I very much appreciated all the feedback, pro and con, on the previous post.  Doing what I just wrote feels right and my sober feelings have rarely led me astray. 

9 comments:

nameless to protect the innocent said...

I am so relieved and proud of you.
This decision proves how mentally well you are....it's rational and thought out and wise.

I think your dad will see that, too.

Well done, andrew!

jane said...

i think you've made a wise choice and i expect your dad will respect you for speaking to him. he might get upset at first, but he loves you and has got to see how much progress you are making.

i really think you are dealing with this entire situation with a lot of clarity.

you have lots of loyal readers who truly care about you and who are rooting for you.

best,
jane

best,
jane

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

While I can understand your feelings, I still think it would be better to have a neutral payee regardless of what your father thinks.

I think it is imperative for getting a stronger relationship with him.

But, that is simply my opinion.

PipeTobacco

Tiffanie said...

You have to do what's best for you, Andrew.

justLacey said...

I think you are doing the adult thing. Going behind his back would just mess up all the progress you have made. I think the key to a stronger relationship is you showing him you are trustworthy and dependable. He only wants you to be those things. He wants you to be able to succeed, every parent does. The rest will come.

lynn said...

April is only 2 months away. Be patient.

bean said...

Andrew,

I think you are doing the right thing by talking to your father about it. I also think that having some responsibility for your own finances is important for you and your own self-esteem. That being said, I also think it can be a double-edged sword, at least right now. You said it yourself - "not even I am sure I could trust myself with lots of cash at this point". Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all saying you shouldn't have control over your finances, I think it may take some baby steps at first. Ask him to try to trust you enough to give you money to buy your own food and explain to him what you are trying to accomplish. Then it's up to you - either you will or you won't. It can be a constant struggle within yourself, but you CAN do it. First, see what your father says. It won't be easy, but you'll feel better in the long run. Good luck!!

ac said...

I offered no advice on this because the one thing I'm sure of is that I don't know squat about squat!

That said... I'm glad you decided to talk this over with your father. I would think the more you are honest and out front with your feelings the better you will feel about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the less sorrows you will have. And hopefully... the less sorrows you have, the less you will want to drown them. The less you want to drink, the more cemented you will be in your new found sobriety. I hope this makes sense. For what's it worth, I think you are on the right track. And like someone else said, it's only two month till April. I wish you a speedy two months free of stress! ac

Cheryl said...

This sounds right to me, as does your step-up plan. The day might, and possibly should, come when you would want a third party. I think this is a great step, and you'll see what happens. It will work, or it won't. You have options. You are sober!