"God, it's cold!" I exclaimed to Big S this morning.
Big S was bundled up in his hunter's overalls and a big heavy jacket. The wind was blowing something fierce and cut through you like shards of ice.
"I'm heading home," Big S told me. "I can't take this cold."
"See ya man," I replied as Big S shook my hand.
That left me alone down at the shopping center. I watched as people hurried inside the grocery store to escape the cold wind. It was going to get colder as the day progressed. I didn't stay long. I was hoping to get up something interesting to write.
I had a really broken sleep last night. Charlie came by to bring my medications and my Benadryl. He was in good spirits and brought along two twelve packs of Diet Coke. I love it when Charlie brings my medications as he always brings treats. Something my father would never do.
"Don't eat lunch tomorrow," Charlie told me. "I am bringing you a big plate of traditional New Year's southern fare."
That will give me something to look forward to today. Charlie's wife is a fantastic cook.
I've been thinking a lot about schizophrenia lately. I like to hide the fact that I have it. I guess I am ashamed. My latest symptoms have been a busy mind. I have trouble concentrating and focusing. My head seems to spin and I have to go lay down for an hour or two. I get back up and I am fine. This is much better than the paranoia though and the delusions. At least, I no longer believe delusionally that I am being followed and watched. I have to take it one day at a time like they do in A.A.
I've got A LOT of email from people urging me to go back to A.A. Without a car, my options are limited. The meeting hall is only a fifteen minute walk from my house, but they have really cut down their meetings times. We only have meetings on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. My local A.A. group is really struggling lately with membership. I also get embarrassed that I don't have a dollar to put in the donation basket at meeting's end. It embarrasses me supremely and makes me not want to go.