I left Rosa in the bed early this morning unable to sleep. The wee hours of the morning found me sitting in my favorite park, smoking cigarillos, and enjoying this warm air -- a mild, pleasant stretch of weather to revel in.
"Your blessed," I thought to myself as I listened to Coast to Coast AM, and took great, hardy drags of smoke from my cigar. "Things have been so good lately I don't think you know how to handle it, or to enjoy it to it's fullest. Savor this time in your life."
Far too often my life was arduous and full of strife. Drunken debauchery. An unwell mind. Strained relations with my family. It all added up to me being a bundle of nerves and raw emotion. A great, tense miasmic mess of a human being.
To my surprise Ferret was sitting outside the convenience store above the "no loitering" sign. I had stopped to get a cup of hot chocolate from my favorite convenience store clerk. The irony made me smile.
"How come I always run into you?" Ferret said, jokingly.
"We haunt the same places," I replied. "Don't you ever sleep?"
"I could ask the same thing of you," Ferret quipped.
"Thunderbird," I thought. "He's drinking Thunderbird. That damn Thunderbird."
I didn't linger long around Ferret as I was feeling weak this morning. That great, wild call of alcohol only an alcoholic knows well was working hard on me this day.
"Damn you," I thought. "You are obsessed. You know drinking will only destroy your life and yet you still want to do it. You still think about it."
They say in A.A. that drinking is a form of insanity -- always doing the same thing and expecting different results. I've had far too much insanity in my life in these later years. I made a conscious choice to be sane. I made a conscious choice not to drink. I choose to live a decent life.
I've thought long and hard about my inclination to save Ferret. Sadly, he has a choice to live homeless or not. If he didn't drink so with wanton abandon, he could afford an apartment. I wanted to step in and handle his problems much like my father steps in to handle mine. Sadly, my father did nothing but harm me doing that, and I would be doing the same to Ferret.
They say life can be the greatest teacher. Much like my recent lesson I learned with my stolen car. Never leave your keys in your car. Even in this small town. In a few days colder weather will break this mild spell we are having, and living outside will become far less kind. Maybe it will give Ferret the impetus to get off the streets, sober up, and start being responsible. I can only hope for the best for my unorthodox friend. But I can't choose his path for him. I can only support him in the good choices and watch idly on as he blunders through life with the bad.