I've felt so well lately. It truly is a miracle.
"How do you feel different?" Rosa just asked a moment ago when I was telling her about it.
"I feel happy. I don't feel crazy. Can I dare say 'normal'?" I replied. "I feel content with life."
Rosa smiled as she went back to watching the television. I left her to come in here and write about it.
I still struggle with the anxiety attacks, but they are few and far between. I felt so well today that I got up the courage to pour out those three beers I have been hiding for a "special occasion." The sickly sweet smell of fermented beverage made my stomach churn as the beers were emptied into my kitchen sink. I couldn't believe I could stomach that swill.
Mom came by today with groceries and stayed a long time. It was so good seeing her.
"What have you done today other than this?" I asked her.
"I laid in the bed," she replied. "I am terrible about doing that. I lay in the bed all the time."
"You don't sleep?" I asked.
"No, I just lay there for hours."
I don't see how my mother does that. I was trying to think today what mom was like when I was growing up. It was a tumultuous time and mom was always doing crazy shit. I tend to shut out all that and don't remember it well. I never remember my mother being loving or comforting. She was always manic, and screaming and hollering over something. My father was gone all the time as all he did was work 12 hour days. It is amazing I didn't turn out more screwed up than I already am.