I am noticing a big positive effect from my medications lately. For example, I am drinking only 12 diet Cokes a day. I attribute this to my Luvox. I was drinking 24 regular Cokes a day. I am also smoking less. I used to smoke two cartons a week and now I am down to one. This makes me so hopeful that I can live a moderate life.
For too long, my life has been a life of extremes. Extreme spending. Extreme poverty. Extreme paranoia. Extreme drinking. Extreme smoking. I have always been an all or nothing kind of fellow -- the kind of soul that is always burning his candle at both ends. It is amazing I still have my health and sanity these days.
The Lithium is serving to moderate my moods. I have an evenness of feelings these days. Not the deep, dark depressions interspersed with wild mania. My doctor says I am schizo-affective -- having symptoms of both schizophrenia plus bi-polar disorder.
It still amazes me I have gone so long without drinking. For most of my adult life, I lived to get drunk. My life was one drunken binge after another. I thought today that maybe God was working in my life when I started having those terrible anxiety attacks from drinking. I cringe when I think about drinking now. Those anxiety attacks were some of the scariest things I have ever experienced. Much worse than anything I encountered from my unwell mind and the schizophrenia. I thought I was dying every time an attack would come on.