Sunday, January 6, 2008

Full of Hope and Dreams...

"What are you doing?" Rosa asked me early this morning.

"I am on looking at the new Civic coupe Si," I replied.

"Oh, that is beautiful," Rosa said looking closely at the screen. "I love that color blue."

"You know," I said. "For so long I couldn't even afford a pack of cigarettes and now I am looking at new cars. It is strange, but it feels good. I hope to start work again soon."

Rosa hugged me and kissed me on the top of my head. "You're gonna be okay, kiddo," she said.

I walked Rosa home this morning and made a beeline straight to the shopping center which is near Rosa's house. I knew either Ferret or Big S would be out there and they both were.

"What's up, man?" Ferret asked me as I walked up.

"I am worried about you, dude," I replied.

"Oh, about the homelessness?"

"Yeah," I said. "It is going to be a cold winter."

Ferret shrugged off my concerns and went back to drinking his coffee. It never ceases to amaze me how people such as Ferret and I can just completely dismiss the future. Something I sorely need to work on. They say in A.A. to take it one day at a time, and I am trying. I want to be mindful of the future as well -- to have plans and goals.

"I'll be fine," Ferret finally said. His eyes bloodshot from last night's drinking session.

I walked on home with Ferret's predicament pressing firmly on my mind. I often want to be homeless again, but I don't know what I would do if it were forced upon me. Ferret has a choice though. He can sober up again, take his meds, and go to A.A. He spends a fortune on beer and liquor every week. I am not one to judge, though. It is his life after all.


justLacey said...

Whoa! Slow down and look at the used car section, lol. If you had my Odyssey car payment you'd really be having some anxiety attacks.

C.A. said...

It's fun to plan for a new car! All the options and colors and choices. I think Rosa is right. You're going to be OK, kiddo. :)

I hope your Sunday is WONDERFUL! Enjoy that new car planning! Anticipation and planning are half of the fun!

Tee said...

Oh Andrew, look for a good used vehicle. There are lots of them out there and the view from the driver's seat is the same in a used one as a new one. LOL! The cost of operation (taxes, insurance, etc.) is so much more on a new car. We are driving, don't laugh, a 1991 mini van with 244,000 + miles and we have decided we are going to drive is until the wheels fall off. The new vans/SUV are uncomfortable and we don't like the cost of operation. But we do have a mid-life crisis vehicle--Mustang GT. Stop laughing! And you thought we were boring senior citizens.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Sobriety (and AA) is not for those that NEED it, it is for those that WANT it.

you are powerless over ferrets world view and relationship to alcohol.
they say, 'carry the message, not the alcoholic.'

by all means express your concern, but do not try to impose your reformed view of alcohol onto ferret,as you risk antagonising him which aa says 'will spoil a future opportunity'
so be cool, and jut be friendly.
remember how YOU used to respond to 'concern'?
I dunno about you but i HATED it!
chances are ferret finds it a bit annoying too.
he will reach his jumping off point in his own time. if ever. you cannot make it happen when you want it to.

car looks COOOL
very nice!

!!! a job would be a very cool thing indeed, and you are on the right path to getting one, thats for sure. you are sounding better and better now that alcohol is no longer getting an opportunity to mess up the meds!

Portia said...

Being sincerely concerned for a friend is not necessarily judgmental. It's always fun looking for cars, good luck finding the right one for you:)

alyceclover said...

Loose quote: the past present and future meet along the way in a place called today.

Living in the now or present moment is healthy for us. Ferret probably knows about the cold winter and obvious not motivated to do something to avoid living through it on the streets. Worrying about what tomorrow brings can not change it.

Planning or dreaming for a better tomorrow is great if it does not stop us from enjoying today. A photo of that blue car will help you remember why you choose homed, work, no alcohol. Easy to fall off the wagon if one does not recall the reason for getting on it in the first place.