I laid in bed for a long time last night thinking about working. I was tabulating the amount I could make a week at minimum wage. The money really adds up over the weeks. I grew so excited! I hate to keep harping on working, but I feel this is the next step for me. That first step of independence after being dependent for years.
My main concern with working is will I stick with it once I start. I know myself well, and work will get routine and tiresome over time. I have my disability to fall back on and can live on it if need be -- that is a tempting deterrence to working full time. I used to be so conditioned to going to work and rarely missed a day. I worked for years, drank, and still only missed a day or two. The hardest part for me will be getting up by alarm clock and taking a shower every morning. Perseverance! Will I quit to just languish in my meager disability allotment? I think often of Kevin, The Homeless Guy, Barbieux, and think we are a lot alike in this regard. I have no doubt he has already quit his job as he hasn't written about it in weeks. Maddeningly, he is writing a blog about Pit Bull attacks which serves no purpose other than to stir up arguments with Pit Bull owners -- so Kevin can prove he is right that Pit Bulls are dangerous. His priorities have always been so skewed.
I still haven't heard from Circle K or McDonald's, but I applied online. I am now thinking it would better serve myself to drive down and get an application. There is just no substitute to putting on some nice clothes and pounding the ground for a job, visiting every place in town. I did find a temp agency downtown and need to talk to them as well, but my social anxieties are getting in the way. I feel I look weird and people are staring at me. "Doesn't he look odd? He looks mentally ill!" I seem to believe they are thinking.