I woke up around 5 AM and rubbed my eyes. Maggie was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the window intently. There was a large tapping and rapping noise hitting my storm windows outside. "Hell Yeah!" I shouted, scaring Maggie, as I pulled on my dilapidated tennis shoes and ran outside in the cold in only my boxer shorts and a t-shirt. It was sleeting! Any frozen precipitation was enough to get me excited and it was really coming down. Alas, it didn't last long, but I can say we sort of had a white Christmas for a moment there. I walked back inside with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face.
Last night, my father came to bring my medications. He was so tired after having worked till two and then preparing the big Christmas meal. He was really distant as if he was mad at me, more content to watch the TV than to speak to me. He had also forgotten my presents and my dinner plate. I didn't complain. I was just overjoyed to see him on Christmas starved of attention. I had grown terribly lonely last night around midnight when he came.
"Thank you for bringing my medications," I told told him joyfully. "I am really looking forward to taking them tonight."
"What brought this on?" he asked, astonished.
"Oh nothing," I said not wanting to tell him I haven't been taking them. I have felt better with them though. "I just need them tonight. Holidays are stressful for us mentally interesting folks."
I read on Crazy Meds about the side effects of my medications and they weren't all that bad. This gave me a renewed urge to take them thinking they are doing more good than harm.
Dad left and a sadness washed over me. I had high hopes that my brother would come, or at least my mother. I was mainly left to fend for myself last night. Dad wouldn't have come if it wasn't for my medications. Oh well. It could be worse. I could have been homeless like the winter of 2003. Now, that was a bleak Christmas. I got a lot of gifts from my family for my ex-wife and we were separated. I never knew what happened to all those many expensive gifts including a nice Kitchen Aid mixer. I certainly couldn't carry them with me on my motorcycle. It is a Christmas best forgotten for the most part, but remembered enough so as not to repeat it. Those were trying times.
Merry Christmas everyone. I am going to have a quiet day of reading and relaxing. I may even try to watch TV. Try being the most stressed word. I wish I could watch the old boob tube, but I just can't concentrate on it. Thank you for all the wonderful emails I had waiting on me in the morning!
Little Joys for Christmas
- Maggie is safe, healthy, and sound.
- I have plenty of cigarillos this Christmas. Last Christmas, my parents were in San Diego and I ran out of money having to go into my parent's house to scrape up change to buy cigarettes. My father was livid at me for doing that.
- I have plenty of good, nutritious food.
- I have a warm, comforting home.
- It is raining and thundering softly outside my windows.
- I have enough money left this morning to go buy me a pack of Benadryl which will be a Godsend.