Monday, December 31, 2007

The Tomcat Awakes

Rosa and I lay in the bed until late last night, talking.  I was trying to explain to her some of what I deal with being schizophrenic.

"I used to think my neighbors had put cameras in my ceilings," I told her. "I remember tearing holes in the ceiling trying to find them.  It cost my father a fortune to have it repaired."

"Were you in college?" Rosa asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Those were my darkest times."

"At least you have your father bringing your medications now," Rosa told me.

"He does it for him and not for me," I replied. "Medicated, I am easier to deal with.  He has purely selfish motives."

"Your family is fucked up," Rosa said.

"I know," was my forlorn reply.

Rosa soon fell asleep and I lay in the bed for the longest time thinking -- thinking of my life as a schizophrenic and how much better it is these days.  The paranoia is gone.  The intrusive thoughts and urgings have faded away.  I still struggle with obsessive compulsiveness, but it is no where near as bad as before.  I attribute much of this to do with the cessation of my drinking, but realize the medications play a big part as well. 

I awoke this morning very early and couldn't sleep.  I pulled on my blue jeans and sweatshirt and snuck out Rosa's door.  I felt like some rangy tomcat in the night having mated and looking for other opportunities.  I was so worried about Maggie and headed home to make sure she was okay.  I arrived home to an excited dog and a glorious homecoming.  There is nothing like man's best friend.  I am heading back to bed.   


justLacey said...

Did you walk all the way to Rosa's?

justLacey said...

Oh and by the way, from what I have seen everyone's family is fucked up for the most part. I could tell you some stories about my own, lol. Life just isn't what the showed on Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver. I wish it had been.

SOUL: said...

have a great day today--will you and rosa be doing anything tonight for new years?

impromptublogger said...

I hope you have a wonderful New Year and I am delighted with your reunion with Rosa. I guess you can call her a "friend with benefits" these days. But having a friend is nothing to sneeze at, as you know. Take care of yourself and don't let your control freak Dad get to you.

STACY'S TRIP said...

GIve her a big kiss tonight.

mosiacmind said...

i hope that you have a great day...i hope that tonight you will perhaps hang out with rosa or go to a meeting because having used in the past i know new years eve can be a tough one for lots of us. i also know that rosa does not like how your personality changes when you drink so wanting to spend time with her would be a good motivator to not drink i think. please take great care of yourself today and tonight........

robl132 said...

Are you going to an AA meeting today?

Start your program again.