Don't things always seem better after a good night's sleep? I slept broken, but well. I appreciate all the comments of support. You all do so mean the world to me. Sometimes, I forget who is reading and how much some of you care. I live in my own little sheltered world and it can escape me. I feel so isolated many days despite the Internet and this blog.
I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I have ever experienced yesterday. It lasted for hours and hours, and I was just miserable. It wouldn't subside until after my father left, completing our medication ritual (which caused untold more anxiety). I collapsed in the bed just exhausted. I realized I need to live a healthier life. I went all day yesterday without eating, drinking only numerous Coca-Colas, and smoking like a fiend. It is amazing, to me, that some days I am still alive with as unhealthily as I live. That has got to change and it is going to be one of my New Year's resolutions. To live healthy and happily. These anxiety attacks have got to stop! I can't bear them any more.
I have big plans for the day. I am going to shower and shave (a major accomplishment for me). I am also going to get down to the shopping center to spread some Christmas cheer by passing out packs of cigarettes. All the gang smokes, but they are constantly out of them and bumming cigarettes from me. Today will be different. A day of largesse. I hope to sit around for hours, getting up something to write about as we enjoy our cigarillos.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will be thinking of you all on this special day coming up. My hopes are that your days are filled with family, good food, and practical gifts you will enjoy. It is going to be a special day. I can just feel it. Good day, dear friends.
PS -- I took my medications last night. Maybe that does have something to do with it. I was always a hardheaded fool.