"Dad," I said weakly over the phone a moment ago. "I can't make it tonight."
My father was busy in the kitchen preparing our Christmas Eve dinner. A large gathering of family friends had arrived. I could hear them happily bantering in the background over the phone.
"What's wrong? You haven't been drinking, have you?"
"No. I just have that twinge in my stomach meaning an anxiety attack is about to occur. I am so nervous. I feel terrible."
"You stay home and rest," he replied.
"You sure?" I asked.
"We just want you to have a Merry Christmas," was his reply. "I will be over later with your medications, presents and a dinner plate."
"Thank you! And I love you!" I closed, feeling a wave of relief washing over me.
To think, my brother and family flew all the way from San Diego to be with my family, and I can't even drive across town. I know my family thinks I am so crazy. I really wish I wasn't so limited by my mental illness. It is a fight I have to keep fighting. I am determined to have a normal life someday!
So, it is going to be just me and Maggie this Christmas. I will fill my time reading blogs and reading about everyone else's Christmas. I am sort of relieved. I have been a terribly anxious mess thinking about it all day, nervously blogging off and on like a madman. I think this is for the best. I hope you all have a blessed and Merry Christmas, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. The friendships this blog has garnered will be ones I will hold dear for many years to come I hope. Happy Holidays and give a present with love!