Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sole Avoidance

I've been avoiding Rosa by not answering the phone and carefully watching for her to arrive down at the shopping center. Big S says he still sees her coming around down there to hang out and smoke. I just don't want any drama in my life at this time, and I have thoroughly enjoyed being a bachelor.

"You just missed your ex," Big S told me as we sat on the bench in front of the dollar store.

"What was she doing?" I asked.

"She came to buy some cigarettes at the dollar store," Big S replied.

"Whew," I said. "I'm glad I didn't run into her."

The first time I saw Rosa down at the shopping center I thought she was just another homeless lady new to the scene. She dressed frumpily and carelessly, and was always trying to bum cigarettes from me. She looked rather dirty and unkempt. I later learned that she had been previously homeless and was a prostitute up in Atlanta. She had turned her life around and moved back to the Valley away from her old haunts. The slower pace of small town life better suited her newfound sobriety and mental health.

"She asked me if I'd seen you," Big S told me.

"What did you say?"

"I said you've been down here almost everyday," Big S replied much to my chagrin.

I can be such a big pussy when it comes to emotions and past relationships. I don't want to face my ex-girlfriends or my ex-wife. Just like I did when I quit smoking a few years ago, I have to quit a relationship cold turkey, severing all ties. It is harsh, but it works for me.


justLacey said...

It is harsh. Rosa was a good friend to you and when you described her when you first met her it reminded me of Clara. If you are just honest with her it would be kinder than avoiding her. 'Tis the season and you're a big boy now.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Did you say you quit smoking???

First, you have the right to talk or NOT talk to whomever you wish.

Second... did you say you quit smoking? Research says quitting cold turkey has the biggest success.

You are very inspiring.

mosiacmind said...

It sounds to me like you are taking care of yourself and that is not only good but a wise thing to do. I also was reminded of the first year sober and one should stay away from romantic relationships - and believe me I know about that one because I did not listen for a year or two and it was NOT a good thing for me or the person.

justLacey said...

Well I can see no one here has been dumped then avoided. Hope your luck continues. Do unto others...

cyotteeflower said...

It would be better for you and for Rosa if you were just honest with her.IMO
If nothing else do what you do best and write her a letter.

Heck I don't understand how you went from loving her and thinking of marriage to the whole affair being over....and you're still "talkin'" to me....

Be honest and salvage a friendship.
You will feel better,I promise!

amelia said...

I have to say you at least owe her the courtesy of telling her how you feel. Just avoiding someone is for schoolkids.

mosiacmind said...

Actually I have been dumped and avoided...and I loved the person enough to know that the person was taking care of himself even if I did not totaly understand it. I also am not sure if some of the readers of the blog struggle with addictions and if you check out any 12 step program they say to avoid intimate relationships for a year. It might seem harsh yet I would much have someone I care about stay sober and ignore me than to know that person relapsed.I do not want to start a discussion on his blog about it yet feel the need to let him know that I support him.

AlabamaGal said...

I think you have to do what is right for you.

I had to drop all contact with a past boyfriend because it wasn't ever going to be healthy to keep contact and we wouldn't have ever been able to be friends without the other person wanting to draw me back into the "mess" of a relationship we shared.

It is not easy to do that when you have a caring heart, but sometimes it is necessary to have a healthy heart and life.

I understand and support you in whatever way is right for you.


justLacey said...

I don't hink anyone is saying for Andrew to have a romantic relationship with Rosa. They are just saying for him to tell her how he feels and then move on. I don't know if he has done that. I'm not even saying he has to be friends with her. I'm just saying that in the end it's much easier to be honoest and tell someone what is on your mind than trying not to run into them. Then when you do run into them you have to put on an act of some kind. Life is too short for that and karma is long lasting.


oh boy do I know what you's easier to let the wounds heal over, than to see that person especially when the tables turn and you are asking for distance and just friendship. I hope for the both of you that you will in time seek that closure and can return to being buddies hanging out.
You are doing the right thing though, because closure does come from within!!


Tee said...

There is so substitute for the truth. If you write Rosa a letter, which I'm sure would be a masterpiece, you could share the truth with her and the pressure of trying to avoid her would be off. Your writing skills are so outstanding and that method of communication would allow you to give it lots of thought. I think that would be a win/win for both of you.

Portia said...

Whatever works for you, Andrew. Only you can know what that is, and even then it's not always obvious.

justLacey said...

Good suggestion Tee.

Chandira said...

Cold turkey is the best way to go, you DO need that break. My ex is not one of my very best friends ever, but we had a few years of no contact, when I moved here, and he didn't have email. Now, we email every day, and I really love him. I always will. It's a good thing. he's turned into a brother and the soul mate I always knew he was, but couldn't find, when there was a 'relationship' involved.

I hope you can find a similar place with Rosa.

Chandira said...

Wow, freudian typo! My ex is NOW (not 'not')one of my best friends.. lol

Sharyna said...

Rosa just blew it. First she was there all the time and you realized how crowded life was. Then she left and you found out how peaceful it could be.


Phoenix said...

I wish i could learn that with my pitiful ex's. Quiting cold turkey seems to be the best way to go. Good luck with that