Tuesday, December 25, 2007

A Sober Christmas...

It all seems so odd to me.  To be sober on Christmas.  Holidays were always the best excuse to imbibe.  There have been many Christmases that I was too wasted on Xanax or booze to even remember.  Christmas before last, I snuck in to my father's bathroom and took maybe ten or more Xanax. Probably even more than that.   I don't even remember walking home.  I was zonked. 

I would think it felt so good though.  The only time I felt normal was to be plastered out of my gourd.   Life has changed drastically since last year.  I can no longer drink.  I have found the number one cause of my anxiety attacks is to be the withdrawal from drinking the next day.  They are absolutely horrible.  I can honestly say today that I don't want to drink.  I have five dollars to my name and that would buy two big bottles of Equate mouthwash.  Enough to get totally blasted.  I vaguely remember drinking mouthwash last Christmas as well and popping pain pills I took out of my mother's medicine cabinet.  She never missed them.  All I remember from last Christmas was my father's best friend coming over to scold me for going into my parent's house when they were in San Diego.  I doubt I even wrote about it on this blog.  I was always having to hide my addictions, and not very successfully mind you. 

I have big plans to go to an AA meeting for Christmas tonight.  As they always say in AA, "Us drunks have to stick together or else we will die alone."   I have hopes many of my old AA friends will be there with opened arms, welcoming me back into the fold.   I can think of no better way to end a Christmas than at AA and sober.  I've got to start working my program.  A New Year is a good time to start.  Merry Christmas everyone.  


justLacey said...

I think an AA Christmas visit sounds like a great idea. I bet there will be many there. I hope you have a peaceful evening, maybe even joyous.

jen said...

merry christmas, brother.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Merry Christmas Andrew! Hope you like the christmas day meeting and hope you settle in to the AA groove so that the routine seems more do-able. Congratulations on 34days! Keep coming back as they say..

Gaviota_mx said...

Feliz Navidad Andrew,

I have been reading your posts and I don't feel alone, you keep me company.

C.A. said...

Ah the ghosts of Christmas Past...they always seem to haunt our memories, don't they? This year I'm trying to be more in THIS moment than reliving any past moments, both pleasant and horrible.

I think a Christmas AA meeting sounds like just the ticket for you tonight.

I hope you've had a wonderful day, Andrew. :)