I feel terrible. I had so many plans upcoming that involved my now stolen car. Vocational Rehabilitation was on the top of the list. It is a lengthy drive every day now that I know where to go to in Opelika, Alabama. Things like my car being stolen make me want to give up. To live homeless. Nothing to take then. I know my parent's are not going to help me get around. They all think I will drink and drive in their cars.
I went to bed depressed a moment ago, but couldn't sleep. I kept thinking I was going to get up two hundred dollars and buy a bus ticket to Nashville so as to live homeless. To live on the streets and then I wouldn't be so lonely, always being around people in the Rescue Mission and about town. I feel so defeated. I feel violated. I feel abused. I feel rash and that is not a good thing.
Dreams of putting a sign on my lawn and saying everything is for sale crossed my mind. A house sale of sorts. Surely, I can get up two hundred dollars then. I grow so tired of this life and it's complications that I don't know where to turn. It is always something. It seems like the cards are always stacked against me.
The insurance company called me and said I didn't have comprehensive coverage. I only had partial coverage and they wouldn't cover me for the car getting stolen. No rental car. No nothing. That didn't help my frame of mind any. I don't know what to do. I live in a little small town in the South without any public transportation. I now have no way of getting around without walking. I will never be able to get a job without a car here.
Forget all my previous plans. I am going to now pour myself into getting to Nashville in the next few weeks. I am going to get lost in the "system." Hopefully, the anxiety attacks, my biggest worry, will hold off until I get settled. I can't imagine them without have a bed to lie down in. I started to have one a moment ago as my father berated me on the phone for my car getting stolen. I had to lie down to feel better -- to stave off the attack.
The blog is going to fall silent I think. I am going to pour all my efforts into raising the money to get the hell out of Dodge. I've written about all there is to write and will only obsess over being homeless from now on. I am sure some of you don't want to read that! I will continue writing when I get settled in Nashville in my new "home." It will be a new chapter in my life and I will chronicle the tales of the voluntary homeless. Something I have only seen written about sparingly. Good day!
PS -- I will be putting my blogging computer and camera up for sale in the next day or so. I will let you all, my blog readers, have first dibs on these items. Both are spectacular items for the price I will be selling them for.