Sunday, December 9, 2007

Old Urges Awaken

Big S was quiet today. He had just eaten lunch when I came walking by down at the shopping center. A empty to-go box from the hamburger place in the shopping center sat next to him. I moved it to the side and sat down.

"Feels like spring," he said, looking up at the brilliant blue sky overhead.

"It is supposed to break some records today," I replied as the temperature was already in the mid-seventies.

Most of the morning was spent cleaning house. Vacuuming. Dusting. All the various sundry things it takes to keep a house in order. I was glad to be finished and out of the house. I was also very glad to see Big S and him continuing his usual routines.

"Gonna camp out behind the cotton mill tonight," I told Big S, trying to drum up a conversation.

"You going to be drinking?"

"Oh, no!" I replied, emphatically. "I've given up drinking I hope."

All it took was that one little sentence Big S said and I started to fantasize and romanticize my past drinking. One of my favorite times to drink was when I was camping out. I would buy a bottle of Southern Comfort and slowly drink it until I became too drunk to stay awake. I left Big S feeling shaky in my sobriety.

"Dammit!" I exclaimed over my radio as I walked home. "I don't want to go through these cravings this afternoon."

I decided to come home and write about it, and I already feel better. It, the drinking urges, hit you when you least expect it though. Just when you think you are cured, they grab a hold of your will power and give it a good shake and stirring up.


Ryan said...

You're doing a good job staying sober so far!

If it takes your mind off the drink, I'll be posting pictures of the Christmas decorations in and on our house soon. :)

Kelly Jene said...

You did the right thing, writing about it. Whatever helps you get through it.

It's snowing here! I'm going to post a picture. I can't believe its 70 there... its so cold here all my boys are running in and out of the house with red fingers and noses.


AlabamaGal said...

You did well to write about the urge than give into it.

Take a thermos of hot chocolate or coffee with you on the camping trip instead. ok, it is not Southern Comfort but it is comforting. :)



And, um,..70's?
Can you and I switch just for a few days?


Mongolai said...

Just think how great you'll feel tomorrow when "the counter" rolls over to 20 days!

The Little Woman and Hubby said...

Better writing about it than acting on those urges. You know, our former pastor, and eventually my brother's first father-in-law, was an alcoholic. He readily admitted it from the pulpit and also admitted he never lost the urge to drink. It's a shame the drug companies can't come up with a "magic" pill that takes away that urge. They have a pill for most everything else. Right? LOL