I feel better now after writing all that below. I have to work really hard to keep my mental illness from coloring and taking over this blog. I just needed to get it off my chest and share it. I am going to just kick back, smoke lots of cigarillos, drink Pepsi, listen to Dr. Laura, and wait till my father arrives at 9:30 with my Benadryl. That always makes me feel better. Sorry for unloading on the blog. Some days, this is my only outlet to the world. I need a life, don't I? Thank you for reading and trying to help. I do appreciate it.