I realized this morning that I have been mired in the negative symptoms of schizophrenia for weeks. It was as if some great, dark, and looming fog of funk has lifted. I'm noticing me doing little things like taking out the trash and cleaning my microwave. I shaved this morning and it wasn't an effort. These little things mean so much to me. It just hammers home how I shouldn't play with my medications or take them so lightly. I was really playing with fire there for a few weeks with not taking them.
Hope can be so fleeting for a person suffering from mental illness. It always seems you take three steps forward and two steps back. I can honestly say I have hope today and it feels good -- so good in fact that I want to walk for hours, clean my house, and do my laundry. I want to call Rosa and tell her all about it. Things unthinkable a week ago. I also want to eat healthily and will brush my teeth after not having done so for weeks. I wish I could feel like this all the time.