Hard to believe it's only been six days since I had a drink. It seems like a lifetime ago. I only had a few beers, but decided to start my counter over in good faith. It was embarrassing to do, but it felt like the right thing. I knew I would get a lot of questions on this blog and I did. The last time I got nineteen consecutive days. Let's hope practice makes perfect.
I have no desire what-so-ever to drink these days. I could easily go back to the pawnshop to pawn something for money and get rip roaring drunk. Drinking is just no longer fun. It is no longer the escape for me it used to be. The last time I got drunk I remember it feeling so blah and so less comforting than it ever had. I just felt sick and depressed as the room spinned around me after a six pack of beer. I felt out of control as if the beer were making decisions for me and not my own conscious will. That was scary. I wonder if I am becoming burned out as an alcoholic -- reaching the last stages of my disease.
I need to go to AA, but I am having a rash of phobias surrounding it. I just don't feel like getting out of the house. It has been a struggle to wake up, or just get dressed. I want to sit all day in my pajamas and waste time reading and listening to the radio. If I were to tell my psychiatrist about this, then they would no doubt put me on yet another pill to take. I don't want to be drugged though, and want to soldier on through this spell with a clear mind. All things must pass as they say.