I was lying in bed last night dreaming so beautifully. Dreams of my ex-wife and they were pleasant. We were in London and on a great quest to find everything out about The Beatles -- her favorite band.
The phone then rang, abruptly waking me up. It was well after midnight. "Damn," I muttered as I about fell, stumbling over Maggie who was right under my feet, excited at the sound of that phone ringing.
"You up?" A voice asked amid my sleepiness.
"I am now," I replied kind of tersely.
"I'm missing you. I'm worried about you. I had a feeling something was wrong."
"Things are fine, but thanks," I replied. I wasn't in the mood for talking, or any more emotional drama in my life. I just wanted to sleep. My medications had made me so groggy. I tend to shut off like the robot she has often accused me of being when confronted with too much emotional stimulus.
"Can I walk over? I need someone to talk to."
"It's about to storm and you can't leave Allyssa," I said, seeing the first flashes of lightning out my window. Soon, the thunder could be heard and I cringed, thinking of getting electrocuted on that phone amid an electrical storm.
I heard her take another drink, a gulp of a sound, and I grew worried. Worried about Rosa drinking and being around that small child.
"Your drinking again," I told her, sounding judgmental.
"I'm having a hard time. Things aren't going too well. I think I bit off more than I can chew taking care of Allyssa. She is such a handful. I'm too old for this. I feel tired. I feel scared. She is so young and we have years ahead of us."
I can't imagine taking on a young child at Rosa's age. Her daughter should be ashamed of herself. She just wants to play and revel in new boyfriends, drugs, and drinking. Rosa's family pattern is playing itself out once again just like it did with Rosa and her daughter as well.
"Do you want me to keep her for a few days?" I asked nervously and unsurely. "It will give you a break."
"I couldn't ask that of you," she said as I heard her take another gulp of wine.
We grew quiet. We could hear each other breathe over each end of the phone. I had been lonely and the attention was nice. They say negative attention is better than no attention at all and it is true.
"We're coming over tomorrow to spend some time with you," Rosa then said abruptly, inviting herself into my home. "Will you pick us up?"
I said yes and we said a late goodnight. I hung up the phone and lay back down in the bed. I was so nervous. I am scared of kids, knowing not how to act around them. I treat them as buddies and not as children. As if I am on their level. It is going to be an interesting day, today. I just hope I can weather yet another storm after the very real one that rolled through after midnight last night.