Thursday, November 15, 2007

Dismay in the Dark

I was lying in bed last night dreaming so beautifully. Dreams of my ex-wife and they were pleasant. We were in London and on a great quest to find everything out about The Beatles -- her favorite band.

The phone then rang, abruptly waking me up. It was well after midnight. "Damn," I muttered as I about fell, stumbling over Maggie who was right under my feet, excited at the sound of that phone ringing.

"You up?" A voice asked amid my sleepiness.

"I am now," I replied kind of tersely.

"I'm missing you. I'm worried about you. I had a feeling something was wrong."

"Things are fine, but thanks," I replied. I wasn't in the mood for talking, or any more emotional drama in my life. I just wanted to sleep. My medications had made me so groggy. I tend to shut off like the robot she has often accused me of being when confronted with too much emotional stimulus.

"Can I walk over? I need someone to talk to."

"It's about to storm and you can't leave Allyssa," I said, seeing the first flashes of lightning out my window. Soon, the thunder could be heard and I cringed, thinking of getting electrocuted on that phone amid an electrical storm.

I heard her take another drink, a gulp of a sound, and I grew worried. Worried about Rosa drinking and being around that small child.

"Your drinking again," I told her, sounding judgmental.

"I'm having a hard time. Things aren't going too well. I think I bit off more than I can chew taking care of Allyssa. She is such a handful. I'm too old for this. I feel tired. I feel scared. She is so young and we have years ahead of us."

I can't imagine taking on a young child at Rosa's age. Her daughter should be ashamed of herself. She just wants to play and revel in new boyfriends, drugs, and drinking. Rosa's family pattern is playing itself out once again just like it did with Rosa and her daughter as well.

"Do you want me to keep her for a few days?" I asked nervously and unsurely. "It will give you a break."

"I couldn't ask that of you," she said as I heard her take another gulp of wine.

We grew quiet. We could hear each other breathe over each end of the phone. I had been lonely and the attention was nice. They say negative attention is better than no attention at all and it is true.

"We're coming over tomorrow to spend some time with you," Rosa then said abruptly, inviting herself into my home. "Will you pick us up?"

I said yes and we said a late goodnight. I hung up the phone and lay back down in the bed. I was so nervous. I am scared of kids, knowing not how to act around them. I treat them as buddies and not as children. As if I am on their level. It is going to be an interesting day, today. I just hope I can weather yet another storm after the very real one that rolled through after midnight last night.


Cheryl said...

Whoa. Rosa's drinking and parenting her granddaughter? What a mess. Be so careful today, OK?

Anonymous said...

Your life is interesting.

Josie Two Shoes said...

I am so sad to read that Rosa is drinking, I can imagine the stress she is feeling trying to raise a young child. I know I couldn't do it anymore. I also worry about if she can give this little girl the care she needs. You are such a compassioniate friend, Andrew. I hope the three of you end up having a pleasant day together.

Jenn said...

Just be yourself around the little girl and you'll be fine. I don't know how old she is, but most kids like arts and crafts. If you have any shaving cream, put some on a cookie sheet and set her up at the table. She can play in it, draw patterns, and it's easily cleaned up. Also, I bet she'd love to go for a walk but just remember to keep it small.
You'll be fine and have a good time.

KYRIE said...

Good morning Mr. Andrew :)
Blogspot ate up my 1st comment!

Anyway, I am wishing u fortitude to weather through the day.
Good luck! I agree with Cheryl here. Look out for urself ok!

impromptublogger said...

I do think it is good that she called you but that is bad that she is drinking. I guess she never really learned how to be a parent herself - which is why I am glad you recognize that you aren't good around kids.

I know you're not much into Rosa's life anymore but kids DO come first and if you think she is being neglected you should see if there are any other relatives that can help or even call Protective Services if necessary. Drastic but there is NO excuse for child abuse or neglect.

Karin's Korner said...

You can do it Andrew, I just know you can. I hope it is a wonderful day, maybe you could go to a park or something. I have faith in you. :)

Anonymous Boxer said...

I think Cheryl has wise words for you today, friend.

Move gently.

jane said...

i treat children as people and not as "children" per se - as you do - they like it and you learn more about them and yourself that way.

kids have a way of lightening things up - enjoy it!

Barb said...

Good luck to you. Kids bug me some, but they are cute, that helps. LOL I suggest to feed her, until she is about to burst.

Jenn's idea is unique. Never heard of that before, might keep the little darling busy when she is done eating. Have fun!


Lynette said...

Kids are flexible, you don't always have to entertain them even though that may be what they would like.

Chandira said...

You'll be OK with the kid.
I'm scared of them too sometimes. I remember babysitting for a friend's 4 daughters once, 3, 7, and 2 11 year old twins, it was a God's honest nightmare, and those kids ran all over me. I hated every minute.
One though, is great. By themselves, they know who the dominant pack member is, but in a pack, they run riot.. ;-) If you can handle Maggie, you can handle a kid..

Good luck!

Kelly Jene said...

Being a kids buddy is fine if you can keep boundaries in place. I need to read your other posts to see what happened.


You were right in what you did.
again, If we lived closer, I'd be happy to watch Alissa for awhile..being around boys can get well, boyish.
Hang in there!
Baby steps!


it seems rosa can't handle her daughter well, it is so hard to deal with children who sometimes give you accusing eyes of your blunders in the past, rosa will feel better knowing you are there to assess the matter and for always readily giving her a helping hand...^^