Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Ghost Leaves

I so long to write with more creativity.  Beautiful words.  Words and phrases that leap off these blog pages and touch my readers.  It is so hard writing a daily blog and to keep up the consistency.  I read other blogs for inspiration and it helps.  Other blogs that seem filled with beautiful prose.  Blogs that make it look and read so easy. 

Another sleepless night greeted me this evening.  I went to bed at 7 PM and woke again at midnight. Walked down to my favorite park and noticed the falling leaves on the pavement.  Beautiful leaves of fall hues lay scattered about -- the trees just giving up their summer bounty for fall.  Ghost leaves in the pale light of the nearby street lamps.  I normally fall melancholy this time of the year due to the time change and the change of seasons, but feel mentally well these days.  The numerous anti-depressants I am on no doubt helping in this regard.

It was a much warmer night tonight relatively compared to the past few mornings.  I noticed in Nashville the night before a horrendous line of thunderstorms pushed through.  I wonder if we will get the same tonight.  The breeze tonight foretold a cold front on the way.  And the smell of rain was on the air.  Warm gulf breezes were pouring in off the Gulf of Mexico headed our way adding fuel to the proverbial fire as far as storms go. I long for a stormy night curled up on the couch as the lightning strikes and the thunder rumbles.  The sound of rain pounding on the roof as I sit by candlelight with everything unplugged. I would then go to bed as the thunder faded in the distance and the rain settled to a steady drone on my roof.

Sat for the longest time thinking in that park.  Of life.  Of love. Of friends that go blog.  One cigarette after another was smoked as I mused over these things.  I realized we create tangled intricacies in our lives and relationships.  I've seen many people comment, come, and go over the course of this blog.  I miss all that have gone and there are a few I am glad sought out greener pastures to haunt.  Those are few though.  I realize I don't have the time to visit everyone that comments and that worries me.  I wish I had the time in the day to visit everyone and leave words of support.  Nor do I have the time to reply to every comment without being trite.  I must pick and choose my battles of the blog wisely.

Well, let me settle down and try to get more sleep.  Maggie is in the bed curled up and snoring.  I know she wonders what has happened to me these days. The slightest change in routine such as the time change can send me into schedule helter skelter. 

19 comments:

Kelly Jene said...

Andrew, everything you write has a beauty to it. Whether it is descriptive of your walks or Maggie's antics or the beauty in honesty and pain. Never doubt that.

I love storms. I love hearing on the news that one is coming. I will turn the lights out and burn candles and just enjoy the sounds and sights.

Sleep well, friend.

KYRIE said...

I thought I check on my insomniac friend and there u are with a new post :)
I love ur phrase "ghost leaves"!

I am scared to lit candles though because I have papers all over the place, and I scared I might set off a fire :) Me and my fears!

Good night and good morning!!

D Lee said...

If only they had a cure for insomnia.

http://legotoys.net

Shelly said...

I too struggle with the overwhelming deisre to obtain mastery of words - to have the page reflect EXACTLY what's in my head - what a beautiful, frustating struggle it often is!

You obviously have a great natural talent with words and language Andrew, very honest and heartfelt. But I look at writing as a discipline. Something one must work long and hard at every day in order to be as good as you possibly can.

I am working from this fantastic book at the moment: "Creative Writing" by Linda Anderson which is helping me hugely with developing that discipline.

Perhaps you could check it out yourself...

Anyway hope you rest well :-))

LoriAnn said...

So here's the thing. You have talent - otherwise, why would I check your blog each morning and again each evening to see if there are any new posts? I mean I stumbled on your blog completely by accident ("there are no accidents") and was hooked immediately. I don't suffer from mental illness or alcoholism, and neither does anyone in my sphere of influence, but I'm right here each day cheering you on and, on occasion, shaking my head in wonder. While you're looking for this "beautiful prose" you think somehow escapes you, just remember there is beauty in the mundane everyday sameness of life!

Now, how about some pictures of the cafe where you eat sometimes or the places downtown where Clara would hang out, etc.?

Tee said...

LOL! No wonder you wake up at midnight, you are in bed by 7PM! LOL!!!! Try staying up later. There are somme really good programs on PBS after 7:00 pm.

Jenn said...

What happened with Rosa? You don't speak about her too much anymore.

am.ar.z said...

hey. chanced upon ur blog while boghopping. like the sincerity.

www.me-saying.blogspot.com

Lara said...

Don't worry, you aren't ever boring. :) And I love your photographs too. You have a unique perspective on your world. It comes through in your writing, and now you can show us in a new way... how exciting!

I love your new text of your profile. It's wonderful to see you defining yourself in ways beyond your health issues. You are so much more than your problems and it's amazing to see you discovering yourself.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

Moderation is the key to happiness in life.

You mention your yearning to write only the best, most exquisite words. That is a wonderful goal to write well. But think about this for a moment....

Hemingway... a Pulitzer winning author of enormous importance.... he wrote beautiful prose, elegant, clear, clean prose. Did he not also write out brief notes and letters to others? Did he not also have a few lesser works? Did he not also write out bills, make various starts at writing, and have some of his writing he knew was not his very best?

The answer to the above is... yes... he did. A writer is not a good writer because everything he writes is "perfection". A writer is good, because he can and does have moments where his writing ascends above others and puts forth a message with such depth, clarity and purpose it cannot be ignored.

You have that too, sir. Some of your writing is so damn strong it *is* art. Other days, your writing is good and interesting because it helps us to communicate. Neither group is bad. All of it is good.

So, please do not adopt the prone to failure mantra of wanting only perfection in writing. All that goal will do is KEEP you FROM writing.... and in so doing, NEVER let you capture more of those moments of pure artistry with the word.

Moderation is the KEY to happiness in all avenues of life.

Your friend,

PipeTobacco

P.S. Are you keeping up with the water? Is it helping?

Karin's Korner said...

Andrew, Do you still speak with Rosa? Have you told her how you feel and that you miss her? Just wondering, I thought you two were great together.

Portia said...

You are entirely creative. I love reading your blog both to see how your days are coming along, and to see which words you will weave your tales with. My favorite line from this post jumped out at me and made me smile: Of life. Of love. Of friends that go blog. I hope it's a good day, Andrew. I loved the pictures, by the way. It's cool to see the places and things that I have previously only envisioned in my head from your stories.

July said...

You are a wonderful writer, just thought i'd say that. On a completely random note, my parents have a dog named Maggie...

Sherri said...

Andrew,

You speak from the heart with honesty and that is what makes it all interesting. You are a great writer, why do you think we all keep coming back? And, what you are writing, it is real. I like to check your blog daily. I enjoy reading what you have to say - even if it feels like nothing to you.

-Sherri

Mary said...

Once again Pipetobacco offers an excellent prespective. Hemingway did, in fact, produce wonderful works but he also had periods when the art escaped him. Last summer we visited Hemingway's home in Key West. I always admired his work and was surprised to find that there were periods when he was unable to write.

Andrew, your writing is excellent. It comes from your heart and is honest and open. The fact that you have so many faithful readers/commenters testifies to that. We know that you can't respond to everyone but we hope that you can draw on the support that we offer. We do care about you and your well being.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I have tapes of rain that I play at night to help me sleep. It really helps. You can find them online and many have free downloads.

Don't worry about not visiting and commenting on blogs..... these are for entertainment and inspriration, and shouldn't become "work" or stress to you. Picking your battles is wise.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

You write beautifully even if you think you're posting a drab one..I always think your writting is beautiful! Which is why I've had you as my choice bloggers on my blog since I became a blogger last January!! You words grab anyone..and don't worry about not being a commenter as some are...we all operate our world differently..the key is to not worry about being someone else, just be yourself..as you have been. Those of us that understand will respect that.
Great prose by the way!!
Always,
Crusty~

Lynette said...

Just repeating what everyone else has said. You write very well. We come here because you write eloquently about your life and your concerns. You write so well, we feel invited into your life and have become invested in your well being. To me that is very good writing.

kicking.and.screaming said...

" Sir: "

Modesty is also perhaps the key to ur sucess.

im baCk myself. i couldnt resist wanting 2 kno wat uve been doing in ur simple life, even tho im up2 my eyeballs with work and am not spsd 2 b here. i wish i had more tym on hand 2 find out all abt dis Rosa and Clara who everyone seems 2 b talking abt.

u ARE a great writer! u HAV 2 b or else i wldnt hav bothered 2 come back.. let alone remember that id passed thru this blog, or save this link.

heck! who gets as many commnents as u do.. on a DAILY basis frm so many ppl frm all over!?