Mom arrived this morning with food, cokes, and cigarettes. I was overjoyed, having gotten down to eating mayonnaise sandwiches (which quickly grow tiresome). I put up my groceries and headed down to see Joyce at B.I.T. It is a pretty long drive, but I had plenty of gas not having driven much these past few weeks.
I arrived and Joyce immediately wanted me to go buy her a carton of cigarettes. This, I did, and I bought her some hard candy as well.
"You are a lifesaver," she told me as I sat on the couch next to her. "I smoked my last cigarette yesterday."
Nothing is worse or more miserable than being a smoker and being out of the things that cause your addiction.
We then sat and talked. She is very, very manic and they keep changing her medications around. They are now giving her an injection of Risperdal like me.
"Why don't they put you on what you were taking beforehand?" I asked, confused. "You did so well for months!"
"I don't know why," Joyce replied, her hands fidgeting. "I just want to go home! Will you take me home?"
I told her to at least try it for a few more days. She doesn't need to be at home right now. She is still very confused and discombobulated. I worry she will only get worse sitting over in her dark house alone all day. I know that can be a trigger for me as well.
It seems like everyone wants to harp on the negatives, berating me for my foibles. Here are some positive things happening in my world. The positives far outweigh the negatives.
Some LJ's (little joys) stolen from my friend, Mosaic Mind...
- I am sober today despite having some money and that is a miracle for this alcoholic.
- I am mentally stable for the moment -- only dealing with some slight paranoia and negative symptoms.
- I still have my home, car, and my beloved Maggie.
- I've little side effects from my medications. My biggest one being feeling flat and listless.
- I have thirty days to come up with $25 dollars to get my camera back out. Mom will help me with this.
- Despite all our past contentiousness, my father and I are getting along right now as long as I take my medications.
- I have groceries, smokes, and cokes. This goes a long way to making my life more pleasant. I have a pizza in the oven as I write this.
- I am not in any legal trouble (no DUIs, etc.)
- I am financially stable even though I have no access to those funds. All my bills are paid for and I have a warm and bright home.
- Joyce will probably be home soon!