Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Day Draws Closed...

I'm too tired to write anymore tonight. It has been a busy day full of activity. I will leave you all with a snippet of an email I sent a dear and beloved friend tonight. That way you can all know how today went.

Rosa came only for a short while. Allyssa played with Maggie the whole time much to my relief. I can be so aloof and uncomfortable around kids, and feel like I am confronted by the bully on the playground all over again. My childhood wasn't a pleasant experience and maybe that is why. It dredges up too many painful memories best forgotten.

I am concerned about Rosa's drinking. It will only lead to her using drugs again and then things really will be bad. For her and for that child. Rosa is fragile like me. She's always drank moderately despite my own misgivings about it. I never thought she was an alcoholic, but am starting to wonder. Rosa is like me. We can't do things in moderation. It is all or nothing -- common with people with substance abuse issues and mental illness. And Rosa is mentally ill. I just never wrote about on my blog wanting to put her in the best possible light. She was my lover, and my confidant. And I wanted everyone, including my readership, to love her as well. Love makes you turn a blind eye to your partner's worst foibles. And I did so love her deeply. I still care about her, but kind of keep a reserved distance these days -- preferring my quiet little bachelor life filled with my simple passionate pastimes of photography and writing.

I'm babysitting tomorrow to give Rosa a break. I got mom tonight to run with me to the dollar store before they closed (I am still without money) and we bought some crayons and coloring books to keep Allyssa busy. Maggie just adored her much to my relief. My pup had never been around kids that often. I am nervous about it though. I am scared she might get homesick, start crying or screaming, and I wouldn't know what to do. Give her some candy? I still have some left from Halloween that I have been slowly causing to dwindle with my constant craving for Reese's peanut butter cups and something sweet.

Joyce's supper was delicious! I was surprised. She even had dessert -- an apple crumb cake. She gets so lonesome much as I do. She didn't want me to leave and I stayed, sitting on her couch and talking for a good hour after supper. I insisted on washing up, but she wouldn't let me. Her kitchen was a mess and looked like a brigade of burly, manic dwarves had marched through on a cooking and eating binge.

Joyce's house is like stepping back into the sixties as well. Everything has that 50's and 60's art deco feel to it with turquoise counter tops. Pine paneling. Green carpet that is decades old. She is on a very fixed income, much as I, and can't afford to remodel it. She apologized over and over about how her house looked so old. I told her I thought it was warm and charming, and it was. It reminded me of the summers I would spend on my grandmother's farm. Hers had that same fifties and sixties feel and look to it.


Diana said...

Thanks for sharing your day. Tomorrow will be fine. Just roll with the punches. You will do great babysitting (but you will be exhausted at the end of the day!)

Beautifully Profound said...

That's the good thing about not having kids of your own. You can give them back at the end of the day all sugared up and spoiled.

I am sure you will do fine with Allyssa. Cartoons are the key at least most times. The fact that you have Maggie too will come in handy especially since they hit it off already. You could always take her for a walk with Maggie. Kids like to be active so you can bring her to a park and wear her out. Maybe she'd get tired enough to nap or something.

Just go with it. You will do fine. I am sure Rosa wouldn't entrust Allyssa with you if she thought you couldn't handle it.

Good luck Andrew. Take care.

Kelly Jene said...

Don't enter into it with fear, tomorrow. Offer her what you have for her to do... color with her, kids love that. Kids love being creative, coloring, cutting and pasting, stuff like that. If she gets bored, grab out aluminum foil and help her make shapes with it, little ones love that.

You're doing a nice thing for Rosa and Allyssa. Email me if you need more ideas for her. I'll be home all day myself, babysitting my niece and nephew.

I'm glad you had fun at Joyce's. I know it must mean a lot to her.

DAKIS said...

Sweet home Alabama!

simonsays said...

You HAVE had a very busy day. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, but it will be okay, she is just a small person, that's all. :) I am proud of you Andrew, you are such a giving friend, I think it shows such character to babysit for the day, when you are clearly so unsure. I think the world of you, just in case you didn't know it.

I knew I was supposed to eat black eyed peas and turnip greens on New Years Day but I didn't know WHY, so thank you!

Have fun! Really---you can, and it will be okay!


We all care for Rosa regardless of her mental illness...She is so very lucky to have you as someone that can help. If you were in her shoes, what could she do to have helped you?
Good luck'll be just fine. If you need any tips, feel free to check in with me. I'd be happy to lend you three boys..poor poor Maggie. :)

Have a great friday!
thanks again for all your well wishes! They really meant a lot to me.

Jenn said...

Candy will work! If she does get upset (which I'm sure she won't) just give her some candy and cartoons. You'll be all set.

Portia said...

heheee...Joyce's kitchen sounds like mine:)

Jbeeky said...

Thanks Andrew! YOu sound like you were a good babysitter! Great way to answer her question, by the way!

Tee said...

You are a wonderful and caring person. Rosa is so fortunate to have you.