It was a wonderful night of trick or treating. I passed out Reese's peanut butter cups I got my mother to buy for me. I ate my fair share as well. I got a lot of poor kids from the housing projects nearby. They seemed to appreciate the candy all the more. I was just glad to participate.
My father handed over all responsibility of me to my mother as "punishment." She now has to help me buy my groceries and come over every night to give me my medications.
"I don't mind doing it," she told me last night. "I love you."
I scoffed at the word punishment my father used. My mother is a grown woman and he needs to treat her as such.
"Your father gave me your check book saying it was my responsibility as well," she furthered.
I am actually glad my mother now has control of all that. She is a far kinder soul about such matters. I feel much more comfortable with her doing it. My father coming over seemed to exacerbate my anxiety attacks -- so worried he was going to attack me viciously about bullshit.
This morning I once again went for my walk. I know you all will grow tired of hearing about them. My life is pretty routine. I walked down to that favored park and sat as the sun came up. Beautiful oranges and yellows graced the horizon as the sun rose higher in the sky. The weather has been gorgeous lately if rather chilly. I then went by to see my favorite clerk at the convenience store, but he had already gotten off for the day.
I had the most wonderful dream of falling in love last night. It ended in tragedy though when I told the young woman I was an alcoholic and she spurned me. I spent the rest of the dream trying to woo her back to little success. I still woke up feeling well just having the attention of a woman for a few short hours. Another little joy to add to my list.
The anxiety attacks continue to plague me. I feel as if I am on the verge of another one every moment. I pray today is far kinder to me. I haven't been able to drive for fear of one and am ready to get out of this house. I miss my A.A. meetings and the camaraderie they instill. I miss Mrs. Mary and her rambling diatribes. I miss Sandy and her blunt manner. I even miss Billie who has to stand up every ten minutes interrupting the meetings.
My neighbor, Joyce, just came by knocking on my door. She brought me some cream cheese cake. Maggie went crazy as usual -- so excited to have company. She loves Joyce. I was so glad to see her and welcomed her inside. She could only stay for a minute having to go down to my father's pharmacy to get a prescription filled. Another little joy to add to my list.