I haven't worked for any period of time in years. It is not like riding a bike. Your skills as a worker grow rusty over the years and my skills as a diplomat and socially minded person have also degraded. I just went and applied for several jobs flipping burgers. I needed something simple and easy to handle (low stress being the key). I realized my father was going to hold that disability money over me until I get off of it in nine months (I have a nine month trial work period). Wish me luck in this endeavor and I hope to start getting some calls tomorrow. I just hope I can mentally keep it together to do this. I feel as if I am teetering over a black abyss -- a point of no return.
What I worry about most in my paranoia. Will I digress to the point where I think my coworkers are conspiring against me? Will I start to dream up grand conspiracies that has happened before with on a job? The pressure work puts upon me will only exacerbates this situation. And the Social Security administration only knows black or white. You can't just work and still draw benefits. I have often dreamed of going back to work -- grand dreams of being a man and handling my own finances. What most people take for granted can be hard for those of us with a mental illness.