I wrote a long diatribe about what ails me, but then deleted it and you get this far pleasanter post. I don't want to burden you all with that junk. Speaking of that crazy homeless stuff I always want to do when things get tough. I always want to run away and it is childish. I am healthy and for the most part, happy. It could be far worse and Cheryl told me to go for a long hike today and I think I shall.
"Look at the positives," Rosa told me a moment ago. "You don't have any bills hardly at all. Your car and house are paid for. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
She was right. I need to appreciate what I have and Eric was right in his comment about me being born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I just feel out of control of my finances. I had to sulk over to my father's house this morning and he begrudgingly gave me money for some cokes. I felt humiliated for having to ask for that and terrible. I keep telling myself that I am 35 years old and should have more control over my money. It makes me feel dirty and inadequate -- like a financial failure.