Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Where Fools Rush In...

I wrote a long diatribe about what ails me, but then deleted it and you get this far pleasanter post. I don't want to burden you all with that junk. Speaking of that crazy homeless stuff I always want to do when things get tough. I always want to run away and it is childish. I am healthy and for the most part, happy. It could be far worse and Cheryl told me to go for a long hike today and I think I shall.

"Look at the positives," Rosa told me a moment ago. "You don't have any bills hardly at all. Your car and house are paid for. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

She was right. I need to appreciate what I have and Eric was right in his comment about me being born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I just feel out of control of my finances. I had to sulk over to my father's house this morning and he begrudgingly gave me money for some cokes. I felt humiliated for having to ask for that and terrible. I keep telling myself that I am 35 years old and should have more control over my money. It makes me feel dirty and inadequate -- like a financial failure.


impromptublogger said...


I think most people understand wanting to escape from your family for a while. While some families get along perfectly, most have some dysfunctional sides to them.

I do think finding a temp job or something like a bookstore or library would be best suited for you. I do think turning it over to a third party is the right thing as you do need that independence from your father even if he means well.

Best of luck in whatever you figure out to do.

Portia said...

I'm sorry it's so frustrating. I think your new plan is a good one. Best of luck!

Cheryl said...

Families can be so hard. I remember the terrible times you've had with your father, and the heartwarming ones. We're all always children in our parent's eyes, and they try to tell us what to do, thinking it's in our best interests. Sometimes it is, sometimes not.

Seems like this would be a good time for you to take a long hike. Is it going to be warm down south today? Maybe walk down by the mill? I'll be thinking of you.

pattycakes said...

that reminds me of what so many women have had to do most of their married lives . ask for money from the hubby lol its humiliating isnt it . no one wants to feel humiliated and that they are so childlike that they cant have their own money . i think you do need a nice long walk though . remember some people cant even get out to do that . you are so lucky in many ways. rosa is a real gem so dont lose her .

Nikita1 said...

hi Andrew...not leaving messages the past few days due to a cold, but still reading...I know how you feel, i felt like that when i was student...when you have to ask...have a nice day!

Tee said...

Rosa offered some very good advice. Your Dad is only trying to protect your resources. I understand, I'm doing the same thing for my Mom. Our roles have reversed somewhat. Take a long hike today.


Don't let money rule who you are as a person..just because you have to ask for money, that doesn't mean that you aren't an outstanding caring individual.
Too many people make money their everything.
Find happiness in the way the sun rays shine into your new home.
The way Maggie has found her perfect hidden spot to curl up and sleep the afternoon away.
The way the world sounds at dusk..look for those things..and know we're rooting for you!

Concerned2 said...

Hey, I'm a vocational rehabilitation counselor who has law degree and hopefully someday will be able to practice law in spite of my family's efforts to have me permanently institutionalized. The courage and honesty you put into your blog is a great thing. I'm all for you getting a job. Good luck.

ps i have a new blog: