Thursday, October 11, 2007

Cobalt Blue Skies

The day has been gorgeous with beautiful cobalt blue skies. Been outside for most of the afternoon soaking up this cool autumn air as I smoked my pipe and daydreamed of computers. It is supposed to get down to 42 degrees tonight. I feel for Clara, but she does have a toasty warm sleeping bag. She is still continuing to refuse to go sleep in a women's shelter preferring to sleep on that loading dock behind the dollar store. It also makes me long to go camping now that the weather is growing cooler at night. I dream of grand adventures of self subsistence and survival in my head -- chilly nights wrapped up in my sleeping bag going to sleep to the sound of whip-o-wills.

Been pricing computers. Dell wanted $2400 for a computer I liked without a LCD monitor. I priced the comparable parts and I will save $1000 putting the computer together myself from the ground up. I think someone had said in my comments that Dells were overpriced junk. They are certainly overpriced. I wouldn't call them junk. My father and mother said they would pay for a new computer last night so that means I don't have to go into debt to get one. This was some much needed to hear good news. I have certainly been blessed these past few years by help from my family. I am not exactly Daddy Warbucks these days. I have already emailed a list of the parts to one of my father's technicians so they can order them through his business which will save them and me even more.

Me and dad were talking last night about my sobriety and how well I have been doing. I was getting some of the positive accolades I so crave from my family and that come only rarely.

"I want to cook you a meal for staying sober this month. I am so proud of you," he told me as he hugged me. "What would you like to eat?"

"I would love your spaghetti, a salad, and some toasted barbecue bread," I replied.

"We will celebrate next weekend and you can invite some of your A.A. friends."

"Let's make it just us," I said, shyly. "I want to enjoy my meal without the anxiety that surrounds others. I appreciate the sentiment, though."

I am still waiting on my camera. The flash memory card has come and taunts me from it's svelte packaging, but I found out there was a recent worldwide recall on my camera due to light leaks in the chassis. This is causing the delay as stores struggle to restock with fixed merchandise.

Really struggling with writing creatively lately. My brain feels so slow and dumb. I hope to be over this terrible case of writer's block in a few days. I sit down to write and the words just don't flow like they normally would. Been looking at other blogs to get the inspiration to write. I long to go back to those carefree days when writing was easy for me.

I was also talking to Rosa last night about the drinking. When I grow bored, I want to drink the most. Rosa said that is when she struggles the most as well -- when she is bored and lonely. We vowed to help each other through these times and to recognize them. My natural inclination is to be aloof of my partner's needs. I've got to change that. One of the keys to staying sober for the long term is to be "in service" to others and to see about friends with similar needs. Alcoholism is such a selfish disease and we have to break from those old selfish habits. Imagine going against a lifetime's worth of learned coping skills as an alcoholic and you can imagine the daunting task of staying sober.


Beautifully Profound said...

Ughhh, tha agony over the wait for the camera. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't pounce on the mail person who drops the thing off.

impromptublogger said...

Wow - it sounds like you've had some great breakthroughs recently as far as relationships go. WTG!

Bummer on the camera - at least you know now what the reason is for the delay.

Barb said...

Your relationship with your dad is wonderful. As much of a pain he can be for you, his generosity is amazing. He never tires of assisting you with your dreams, and I bet that feels pretty darn great. La Vita Loca, man!


Anonymous said...

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Elza said...

Good Luck in Sobriety!!

Anonymous Boxer said...

that writers block - it happens. Don't worry too much - I bet a new camera AND computer will help release your creative juices again. BTW, very cool of your Dad.

azure said...

I've been trying to buy a similar Panasonic camera (actually the next step up) from Costco for several weeks. They have them on the display but they are not in stock. Always delayed. Wonder if it's the same problem


azure said...

Have you been sober this month?

mosiacmind said...

Hi..I hope that you can take some pictures of how pretty fall is to share. I hope that you and Rosa have a good day and that you are taking good care of yourself

Tee said...

Any idea when the camera will arrive? Great news about your computer. Your Dad is really a generous person.

Annabel said...

How I wish I could join you and your father at your dinner. Spaghetti is my favorite meal! I hope it is wonderful. Do write about it.

I also hope your camera comes soon. I've been looking forward to it as much as you have!

Leann said...

We enjoy hearing how your life is going Andrew, whether it be the ups or downs, please don't feel you have to "write creatively" to get out attention.

It's nice to see the change in your profile. Your challenges certainly do not define who you are, but make you what you are, an intelligent, creative, talented writer and wonderful person.

Jbeeky said...

I think your last paragraph is very wise. I hope you get your camera soon!

Terri said...

I have the same question as azure. I've been reading you pretty regularly and it seems as if you are drinking every few days or so. Just wondering.


This was wonderfully written..a story well told..
I'm happy that you too have a new promise to one another! I do hope it helps out the both of you!!

Hmm, computers, I'm clueless with as you can see, I still haven't figured out how to have my pic with my comments, but I don't mind Dell at all. We've had our for 4.5years now and it's been so good to us..healthier than our own children. :) Tigerdirect I have heard is a good online electronic site, but for what I'm not sure.
Here's to a good friday!
I still have some cornbread left over from lastnights meal, how about I trade it for your dad's bbq bread! I hope you have your camera by than cause I'd love to see a pic of that delicious bread!

KYRIE said...

It sounds like u gonna have some fun building ur new computer :)
I never had barbecue before!

U hv a distinct style of writing Andrew, and I always enjoy tht. A talented story teller u are, a true raconteur!

bye bye :)

Anonymous said...

Good luck.

pai said...

Don't know if you have iTunes or can listen to podcasts, but I've been going through the same sort of creative slump. I'm finding they are a great resource. I also have a couple of links on my blog that link to different creative resources.

I think that being creative is a skill of sorts - gotta keep at it to keep it up! :)

Claudia said...

Its hard to sit and stare at the screen and go "Now What."
Cheers Andrew! Take care.


you write so well that i don't think you ever get writer's block, you are such an inspiration to me, your struggle to curb alcoholism and your way of writing...i hope to see you comment on mine soon(LOL), i am a struggling blogger and i really want to improve my writing skill^^