Friday, October 5, 2007

Unabashedly Boring

It was a much needed quiet day. I prepared a brimming thermos of hot coffee and just walked to clear my head. The skies were overcast and gray keeping it cool all throughout the afternoon. I kept hoping for a thunderstorm and/or rain. I walked probably six miles this afternoon clearing the cobwebs out of the upper works of my cranium. You could literally see the dust blowing out my ears.

I didn't stop by the shopping center as that usually ends up with me drinking beer or wine. I am trying to be a good young soul and will attend an A.A. meeting tonight as well. I tend to flirt with danger or disaster from time to time and I know it can be exasperating for some of you that have read me a for a long period. It can take years to build up a blog readership and you can destroy this relationship with your readers in a matter of weeks or even days pulling some of the stunts I have lately. I have gone a long way to bringing about the demise of this blog. What surprises me most is that I will unabashedly write about it knowing the consequences when I could just keep it to my self and fall silent. No one, but those in my immediate life would ever know. Most alcoholics spend years trying to hide their disease. I get on a blog with a thousand readers a day and blather about it in vainglorious fashion like some complete idiot -- my own personal Don Quixote complex.

I haven't checked my comments in a better part of a week. I looked today and things were civil. I decided to leave them up for the time being as a forum for my readers to interact within. Someone emailed me telling me the only reason I blog was for attention and that I had been trying to garner attention this past week. I just plainly wrote what is, and didn't embellish. I wasn't even checking my comments. My life, like yours, has it's up and downs, but I usually always come out on the upside. I blog mainly to practice writing, and it helps me to continue this writing experiment knowing someone is enjoying what I write and taking strength from my own trials and tribulations.

My Google Adsense account got suspended. Someone spent the better part of the past few days clicking my advertisements with the same IP address. This raised red flags at Google and they suspended me. It was the only viable way I had of making money besides working a job that wouldn't adversely affect my disability income. For this suspension, I am sad. It was so liberating to be able to make $300 to $400 dollars a month doing something I immensely enjoy, writing. Maybe I will try Yahoo ads.

One of the biggest reasons I started to hang out with the gang again was to get up reasons and material to write. I harbor some strange delusion that all of you want to read about homeless people and drunken debauchery. I realize it was me, and only me, that wanted to read and write that stuff that harkened back to the beginning days of this blog. I also feel I write more creatively and with more passion after a few drinks. Maybe I was wrong. My writing has certainly suffered since this all started, hasn't it? Let's see if I can get this blog back on track along with my personal life. You all are going to get a lot of stories about Alcoholics Anonymous, Rosa, and sobriety as I am an all or nothing kind of fellow. I can't do anything in moderation. I either drink twenty beers or I don't drink at all. I will either not go to A.A. or will go to three meetings a day. Just another day in the life of an obsessive compulsive schizophrenic dude.

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29 comments:

mago said...

Where's Rosa?

Andrew said...

She's staying away until I get my act together. She doesn't want to be around the drinking. She is coming over tonight.

NATALIE said...

I think you are very honest in your blog, and that is great! It is real life, and I personally think you are really brave to be as honest as you are. Keep it up.

Pen and the Sword said...

Andrew, your blog is dynamic and real telling story of a man who simply wants to write and be read... regardless of your problems. You attract so many readers because you are an amazing writer. That's why I read (sorry I have been rather absent as well... had some issues I had to attend to before I could come back). I realize I have only been reading for a few months, but from what I have read I don't think I'd be surprised to see your smiling face on the back of a book jacket!

Sorry to hear someone spiteful and rude had to go and ruin your AdSense endeavors. That was really dumb and mean.

Dara said...

I'm a fairly new reader of your blog, and I really enjoy the reading. I am especially loving the video entries. The train track is my favorite. Now I have a visual to go along with your words.

Thank you for writing and sharing!

Beautifully Profound said...

You're alright, exasperating, but alright. No ones life is perfect. You'll get through it, you've done swimmingly so far.

amelia said...

Rosa is smart and so are you.

Can't wait to read your 'regular life' blog again!!!

impromptublogger said...

Welcome back! I am glad you are feeling calmer. I do worry about your Dad medicating you without the knowledge of your shrink. My husband who suffers from depression/sleep disorder which is "mild" compared to your problems still has to go to the shrink for medication checkups and adjustments once or twice a year. I know your Dad means well and loves you very much, but he may be inadvertently doing you more harm than good.

Take care of yourself and we miss hearing about Rosa - who I think we readers have grown to love almost as much as you have.

Cheryl said...

Wow, I go away for two minutes and you write a book! Kidding. I'm just now getting around to doing some reading, and here I am. I think you know I'm an all or nothing kind of person too. And, I'm sticking with you like glue. You know that too. That's what friends do.

Cheryl said...

PS...camera?

M said...

ok. i don't get why google suspended your ads? why don't they just not pay for duplicate hits from the same IP address. well i hope they unsuspend you soon

Andrew said...

Cheryl,

I am hoping it comes tomorrow. I am so excited. It feels like Christmas!

abbagirl74 said...

I could care less what you write about, because I care about YOU and whatever you decide to write about, well, I am always here to listen. I don't judge you, but I do worry about you. I wish you the best out of life, Andrew. We all do. So write about whatever you want. We will be here regardless. Love ya, booger!

Mary said...

Andrew, I don't do ads. I'm just too lazy. My hubby has a couple of web sites and does use ads. Have you thought of the Amazon ads? They pay 4% of sales resulting from clicks on your ad. You might be interested in one of his sites. electricarticles.com (I don't know how to make a link). You might even be interested in some of the articles published there - if you like you can also publish on the site. His name is Harry Hooper and he also publishes articles.

Anyway, I read your blog every day and only wish the best for you. Many times you've written things that really helped me. Thank you. Please keep the blog going.

KYRIE said...

Okay blogger dude,
You know I will always stick around. I don't care bout wht u write.

I wish u peaceful and tranquil days ahead. Good night friend.

p.s. My place had a big storm today :)

Mindy said...

I stumbled upon ur blog the other day and am intrigued by it, although I am not quite sure why yet. It might be my social work background, my heart for care ministry...or just that I'm plain nosy! More likely a combination of all. Feel free to stop by and check out mine as well.

Windrider said...

Hey Andrew,

Its your blog ang your world, brother. If turning off the comments for a period of time will help I say go for it.. Really. When it ceases to be an outlet for your thoughts and feelings, and starts affecting what you write maybe its time to suspend them for a while.

Hell, most of us magpies just sit around and offer armchair advice. Don't think twice about eliminating the comment section. I personally think that it would be a good idea.

I offer no advice about Rosa other than this: just follow your heart and do what you feel is best in the situation for both you and her.

Enjoy the camera, I busted out my Maxxum 7d the other day and started lugging it around again. For some reason I feel like I need to document my life again. I'll share when I can.

Don't worry about this blog, and don't worry about any of us. Just live and be as healthy and happy as possible. We'll be here doing our own things rooting for you.

Just live thrive and survive...

Peace....

Matt

Josie Two Shoes said...

Awesome post, Andrew. As usual, very honest and very real. That's why I come here, because you are willing to put your life out for all to read. I learn from you, and I value your willingness to share!

Wally Banners said...

freaking fantastic piece Andrew!! No worries you got your whole life in front of ya:)

simonsays said...

Oh Andrew, I am so happy that you are feeling like your old self! I have missed you! ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Andrew and please don't let loser commentators stop you from chronicling your amazing life. I"m just a lurker but I enjoy reading your tales everyday.

I'm sorry about your Google Adwords beings suspended. Look at Adbrite.com and maybe try Amazon's affiliate program for some additional revenue?

Summer said...

You are an artist. Very talented in story telling. When I first started reading you I asked myself if this was a work of fiction or did you have the ability of taking the mundane days of life and make them sound fascinating? Either way, this blog is a work of art. I know from personal blogging experience how hurtful comments can be. Don't let a handful of AHs ruin your dream of writing. I rarely blog the whole story anymore because of it, don't let them rule you, run your life. Taking your comments down might be the answer. Some of the most successful blogs on the net don't allow comments. Of course they get a ton of hate mail. But then one of them I read, will publish it just for fun.

Andrew, do what you feel is the right thing for you. You know who your friends are. If you ever decide to leave blogville, you know there will be a hole in my every day life, along with many others. But....PLEASE... don't take that as pressure to keep doing something you might not want to.

Tee said...

Enjoy your blog, thank you for your honesty. Why in the world would Google suspend your ads when someone else was the offender? That's crazy. I would think Google would block the offender's access to your ads and not suspend them. Keep writing, it's a wonderful avenue of expressing yourself.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Moonlink said...

Can't wait for some photos

mago said...

Thank you for the prompt answer.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time..people are such cruel individuals..never ceases to amaze me..I'm sorry you've had to experience that, and go through that..can you dispute the disable thing? They do have a tracker through google and will investigate it and could find the culprit...what an asshole!! :(
Always,
Crusty~

justLacey said...

Ok, lots of comments about comments. Comments I assume, are there for people to say what they think. True friend don't tell you just what they think you want to hear and I don't think you should encourage someone to go off the deep end if you care. Some comments are just mean to be mean and some are harsh, but maybe because we just hate to watch you flush your life down the toilet. I'm glad to see you are leveling out since getting your medication. Don't be afraid to say hat you think or feel, but in the same way don't be afraid of what others think. Who knows, you may get some good advice.
Can't wait for your camera to come. I expect lots of pictures and video clips.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Andrew.

I just recently (last month) started avidly reading your blog.

Do what your heart tells you to, man.

Keep your chin up and fight the urges to drink.

My grandfather was an alcoholic and it almost tore my family apart.

And he kept falling off the wagon, over and over again.

But it's like riding a bike....if you fall....get back up and try again.

Remain sober, and enjoy the simple things in life.

Alcohol is poison.

You know that.

It DOES NOT help you in any way whatsoever.

It only can harm you and those you love.

Peace,