The morning arrived with a smile -- the first smile I've had on my face in quite a while. There is hope for this wayward human being yet. Talked to Rosa this morning. I called her. She was distantly cold to me. My little foray into drinking a few weeks ago ruined our relationship. Talk about consequences!
Went to the local A.A. meeting last night. Carl, who has a learning disability, chaired the meeting. It was interesting to watch the old timers come to his rescue many times. It came my time to speak.
"I once had a sponsor years ago," I said. "He hurt my feelings and I never talked to him again. If I would have only listened to him it would have saved me years of hurt and pain."
I sometimes feel I am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome from my mental illness and the drinking. I have felt crazier lately now that I have sobered up -- an unnerving feeling of losing your mind. Rash thoughts and even rasher actions.
I am really appreciating all the comments lately. It is nice and helpful to hear the advice of others. Quite frankly, I have never been good at making life choices and I feel I taking on too much with this working thing. The good thing is that I have a 9 month trial work period where I can work as much as I want and still draw my disability. So this little foray back into work will be a test -- a test that will not destroy everything.
Pipe Tobacco's advice is wise and I am taking heed. I just don't know how to go about getting my disability turned over to a third party. I am supposed to go talk to the county mental health, but they can be very lackadaisical in their response. I haven't had much luck in talking to them. I think I am going to go get a shower and go out to talk to mental health now. I am just so worried it will hurt my father's feelings -- causing him to become irate. My life is never simple.