Much to Rosa's chagrin, I talk about the people whose blogs I read like I know them. Like they are a part of my life. This morning I was cooking breakfast as Rosa sat at my kitchen table. I began talking about my online friends as if we had known each other for years. I think Rosa is a tad bit jealous of my online friendships.
"Cheryl's daughter had a birthday the other day," I told Rosa. "Annabel is at a conference in San Antonio. I love Summer's blog, but feel like an outsider looking in."
"You talk like you know these people," Rosa replied.
"I know as much as they will write," I said. "They know pretty much everything about me."
"Do you write about us?"
"Quite a bit actually, but nothing too intimate. I am not writing about our sex life in gory detail if that is what you mean."
"Well, I hope not," Rosa said.
"Writing about sex makes me uncomfortable. And I am sure it would make my readers uncomfortable as well."
"What have you been writing lately?" Rosa then asked.
"About Clara, the gang, and getting drunk," I told her. "I almost ran off my readership."
"Well, you are a different person when you drink," Rosa told me. "It changes your very demeanor. You become cold and uncaring. Distant. You don't think about the consequences of your actions. You basically don't give a shit about anything except drinking another twenty beers."
I did go to a morning A.A. meeting for which Rosa was pleased. It was a small meeting of elderly men and just a handful of us younger drunks. It is interesting hearing the tales of these men that have been sober for more than twenty years. I find it almost incomprehensible that I could stay sober for so long. It makes it hard for me to believe they were actually alcoholic. I am under the delusion that I am some special case that is going to take an extra concerted effort by my A.A. groups -- the incorrigible, hopeless drunk. That's why they tell you in A.A. to take it one day at a time. You don't have to tackle years of sobriety all in one day as us drunks tend to do. Eventually growing discouraged and downtrodden, and turning back to drink.
I was talking to my father last night about my experiences with A.A.
"Dad, I thought I would just be run over with friends after going to A.A. for awhile," I said. "I thought us drunks would look after each other."
"You got discouraged, didn't you?" he asked.
"Yeah, I thought I would have an instant support group. I then realized it was going to take months of going to build that support group up."
"When you want something, you want it now. You can't wait."
"I never could," I said.
"You just keep going and good things will happen. It certainly won't hurt you and can only help."
I do hope my camera comes today. I don't think I can wait until Monday or Tuesday. I have so dearly missed taking pictures and look forward to starting up a photography blog. This new camera is going to be fantastic!