Saturday, October 6, 2007

Intermingled Lives

Much to Rosa's chagrin, I talk about the people whose blogs I read like I know them. Like they are a part of my life. This morning I was cooking breakfast as Rosa sat at my kitchen table. I began talking about my online friends as if we had known each other for years. I think Rosa is a tad bit jealous of my online friendships.

"Cheryl's daughter had a birthday the other day," I told Rosa. "Annabel is at a conference in San Antonio. I love Summer's blog, but feel like an outsider looking in."

"You talk like you know these people," Rosa replied.

"I know as much as they will write," I said. "They know pretty much everything about me."

"Do you write about us?"

"Quite a bit actually, but nothing too intimate. I am not writing about our sex life in gory detail if that is what you mean."

"Well, I hope not," Rosa said.

"Writing about sex makes me uncomfortable. And I am sure it would make my readers uncomfortable as well."

"What have you been writing lately?" Rosa then asked.

"About Clara, the gang, and getting drunk," I told her. "I almost ran off my readership."

"Well, you are a different person when you drink," Rosa told me. "It changes your very demeanor. You become cold and uncaring. Distant. You don't think about the consequences of your actions. You basically don't give a shit about anything except drinking another twenty beers."

I did go to a morning A.A. meeting for which Rosa was pleased. It was a small meeting of elderly men and just a handful of us younger drunks. It is interesting hearing the tales of these men that have been sober for more than twenty years. I find it almost incomprehensible that I could stay sober for so long. It makes it hard for me to believe they were actually alcoholic. I am under the delusion that I am some special case that is going to take an extra concerted effort by my A.A. groups -- the incorrigible, hopeless drunk. That's why they tell you in A.A. to take it one day at a time. You don't have to tackle years of sobriety all in one day as us drunks tend to do. Eventually growing discouraged and downtrodden, and turning back to drink.

I was talking to my father last night about my experiences with A.A.

"Dad, I thought I would just be run over with friends after going to A.A. for awhile," I said. "I thought us drunks would look after each other."

"You got discouraged, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yeah, I thought I would have an instant support group. I then realized it was going to take months of going to build that support group up."

"When you want something, you want it now. You can't wait."

"I never could," I said.

"You just keep going and good things will happen. It certainly won't hurt you and can only help."

I do hope my camera comes today. I don't think I can wait until Monday or Tuesday. I have so dearly missed taking pictures and look forward to starting up a photography blog. This new camera is going to be fantastic!


Josie Two Shoes said...

I have a lot of trouble with my "real life" friends being a bit jealous of my online friendships too, Andrew. Kinda sad. Then I tell myself that they would probably feel just the same if it was a friendship that I had with a person next door. We are all a little covetous of the people in our lives, and sometimes we don't want to share... even though that's not realistic... or fair.

mago said...

Thank you for your prompt answer.

Sharyna said...

What idiot would screw with your income in such a way? There are some out there I guess.

abbagirl74 said...

I do the same thing with my online friends. But I consider them my friends whether they are online or not. It's just a different kind of friendship. Don't you think?

Cheryl said...

HI Andrew,

I do feel like I know you, and you know I consider you to be my friend. Non-bloggers have a hard time understanding that.

A long-time client of mine's husband is a long-time A.A. member. Don't mind my grammer, btw. He has a big social network of fellow AA friends, so I know it's possible. You probably do have to spend time to build relationships there. Could you try to hang out with the younger members? See if any of them share some of your interests? Photography, hiking, camping, trains, writing, etc...? How many different meeting venues do you have access to? Do you find any of the same people at the different meetings you attend?

I thought of you at Border's today. They had a few interesting railroad magazines, and I flipped through them. Then I read Consumer Reports and Business 2.0 and I sipped my latte. I'll be up late tonight with all that caffeine.

The bird is playing with my earring as I write. I've had to get him off my keyboard a few times. He's determined to pick off my backspace button.

Looks like I've been blogging in your comment box. Sorry!


You didn't run me off that's for sure..and it's funny as far as your conversation goes with bigdog says the same thing..but it's hard because you can't help but feel connected with everyone in our blogging land! :)
I hope you're camera comes today too!!

Pen and the Sword said...

I know how you feel, Andrew. My hubby looks at me like I am fruity when I talk about my blogging buddies as though they were in a neighboring town or just down the street. I think it is just human nature to feel like you know someone, especially if the people you tend to read are writing anecdotal and/or autobiographical content. Just remember that people tend to not understand what they themselves do not know or take part in. Somehow I think you probably know this better than most people.

dreamer124 said...

Wow!! I have just read many, many of your emotions have had a workout today! I am touched by your style of writing and sharing your stories of a hard earned attempt to live on this earth, breathe in this space and still wake up to see the sun rise again...keep it up...mental illness is a tough and long road to walk down, and seemingly, that is what we do have the most of afterall...time...I will continue to read your blogs, thank you for sharing.

Tee said...

I know exactly what you are saying about your blogging friends. My husband doesn't get it. Are there other AA meetings to attend? Perhaps you can find one with younger members, closer to your age. Hang in there.

Eric said...

Your comments on blogging and online friends and the subsequent comments from said friends brought a compelling thought to mind. We may not know our online friends as well as we think we know those we interact with face-to face, but do we really know those friends well? I am sometimes surprised when a friend behaves in an unexpected way or turns out to not be what I thought they were. It happens in the "real" world and the online world. It is just easier to be false or hide something when you are online.

Anonymous said...

Much to Rosa's chagrin, but nothing too intimate. Then pile the hat cat. What have you drink pink ink. Writing about us? A little bed at a look! Made of bed all night. Do you been writing lately? A mouse. What have you chew, I do not writing about us? Rosa then asked. When tweetle beetle puddle paddle battle with bricks and ham. I do not like pickled limburger cheese! I bet. Distant. Red fish, sir, by the light of sour gooseberry jam! I began talking about anything except drinking another twenty beers. Will our sex life. Writing about my online friendships. They know them! Made of the hat cat. He likes to sing with their plumbing, and uncaring. Like they will write about the dark. He likes to sing with a ham or a different person when tweetle beetle puddle paddle battle in a part of my little bed all. They come along humming, and that Goo-Goose, I read like this trick, sir. If you chew, and drink pink ink. Well, I do tricks with ten cats on your actions. I do not writing about our mother like you been writing lately? Quite a mouse. I almost ran off my readership. You don't think about the consequences of bed. They smell like I do tricks with heads in a shame! For birthday lunch, we had a tweetle beetles battle with a conference in a bottle with bricks and the dark. They smell like pickled limburger cheese! It is a star, and getting drunk, chew, you been writing lately? Rosa is chewing.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Yikes, WTF is the comment above? I doubt you ran off much readership. :-)

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Summer said...

WTF is right! I think I have a headache after reading that comment. Do you feel like an outsider reading my blog in particular or all blogs?


WOW! What a comment up above...very different.

justLacey said...

Your AA experience reminds me much of my moving experience last year. I thought it would be easier to make friends and was disappointed when it wasn't. It has taken time and now is more like I expected. Give it some time and it will be well worth the wait. I can see now why you keep going back to your old friends, because it is hard to make new. Excellent point and post.


Hey we are all strangers in a stange land. I'm actually in Paris, what could be stranger? Keep writing. It's a very useful activity even if it's not completely understood by everyone.


Matthew Rose / Paris /