Sunday, October 28, 2007


I sat in the back of the room.  I watched as A.A. members slowly paraded in.  People that go to A.A. are so diverse.  You have professionals and working class people -- stay at home moms and burly construction workers.  I people watched until the meeting started.

"Everyone ready for a meeting?" rang out in the old church.

We read "How it works" and "The Twelve Traditions." Soon, the floor was opened up to speak.

"Hi, I'm Andrew and I am an alcoholic," I said. "It is a beautiful morning and a fine day for an A.A. meeting. My mother gave me eight dollars last night for A.A. meetings.  I have a strong desire to use that money to drink.  I have been in so much emotional anguish and pain lately.  I know I will destroy my mother's trust if I drink with that money.  My family knows everything I do. I just appreciate having a safe place to come to this Sunday morning and I thank you all for being here. I pass."

Several "Thanks for coming," and "Keep coming back!" rang out in the room.  It is unlike me to share.  I just felt moved to do so.  Today has been one of those days were it took every ounce of my being to avoid drinking -- that favored mouthwash just a drive away.

I came home and fixed a lunch of some ham sandwiches.  Maggie got some ham as well -- ever hungry. I then set out for my second walk of the day.  I saw my elderly friend who sits upon his porch everyday.

"Almost too cold to sit out here," he said.

I stopped and pulled off my headphones.

"It has been chilly lately," I replied.

I was hungry for conversation and we went on to talk for several minutes about Auburn football -- Auburn having won last night beating Ole' Miss. 

I finally left my friend to sit and smoke.  Down through the mill village I traversed -- the children playing bringing joy to my soul.  I saw one child swing on her swing and it made me long to have the simplicity of youth again.

I ended my journey at the convenience store spending some of my paltry income on a drink.  I sat outside above the "No Loitering" sign as I finished my drink and people watched.  A young black lady accosted me for a cigarette, but I said, "No, you are too young."  She looked all of sixteen.  I then walked on home.


WhistlinGypsy said...

evening, andrew! has been football weather this weekend, indeed. let me tell you something- i am an artist and a teacher- if you want to paint, paint. you don't need lessons to try- yes, lessons can help with technical stuff but the best teacher is yourself. just do it, don't be afraid to make crap- make it with a passion! make lots of it! and you will pleasently discover that some of it is good. art is physical as well as mental- the more you do it, the better you get. is grand stuff.

Minnie Evans, a local outsider artist, once heard a message from god: "Draw or Die". she choose to draw- it can be a healing grace.

google yourself some outsider artists- people without formal training, people who had unusual situations (like yourself) people who chose to 'draw or die'. is a wonderful world.

just give it a go, why not?

happy evening, pet the maggie-dog

Dave said...

Nothing is better than a walk to clear one's mind... and as far as not supplying that 16 year old with a smoke... great advice to her... If we all did that, it just might save her life.

Take care and have a good week.

madamspud169 said...

Well done you for resisting temptation. I know this sounds patronising but I mean this from the heart "I'm proud of you".

abbagirl74 said...

It is getting colder out. Doesn't it remind you of high school football games, dragging main street, and teenagers chasing each other's affections? I love this weather.

I think of you as I watch the tree outside in my front yard, with limbs so strong and vibrant colors of leaves, waiting to shed and become vulnerable once again to the stark, harsh winter winds. But one day again, baby buds will sprout new tender green leaves, and this strong tree will stand tall in all it's glory. I think of you.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Way to go, Andrew - you've made it thru another day! Walks are so good for the spirits. I'm thrilled that you felt comfortable to share in the meeting - do you see what great strides you are making in dealing with your social anxieties? I am proud of you and for you!

Stacy said...

Hugs to you Andrew!

Cheryl said...

It sounds like a great A.A. group. I wonder how often this one meets? Do you go to it regularly? I'd love to go to a meeting to experience it firsthand. I'm proud that you open yourself up like that. You show that you're human, you know?

Stay warm. My heat's's chilly outside.

Kelly Jene said...

I wish I could see where you walk. It sounds beautiful. I love having kids.. it gives me a reason to be able to swing with them. What a wonderful feeling.

Good for you for talking in AA. Its only getting better and better for you.


i too long to have the simplicity of youth again, i enjoy the day-to-day account of your life, much more interesting than mine, gosh i am infront of the computer most hours of the day...(sigh)