Monday, October 1, 2007

Blah about Blogging

I have just been so blah about blogging lately. Usually, it is something I immensely enjoy. But lately, it has been hard to write -- everything feeling forced and unnatural. I swear this is a side effect of the numerous medications I am taking. My mind feels buzzy and discombobulated. I read what I write and even I find it uninteresting and milquetoast, and I can usually be very narcissistic about my writings.

I put the advertisements back up to make a few more bucks as well. My father would shit a brick if he knew this. I want to get up the money to buy a new computer. A computer that will last me for another five years like this one has. I have to thank my ex-wife for this wonderful computer that is still fast, but showing it's age.

Seriously considering going invite only. Been really paranoid about comments lately. I haven't even looked at them in days for fear people are writing negative things about me and that everyone is giving me advice on how to live my life. Should I look? I am not sure. I feel so wary about it, scared of what other people think of me and my life. I had an actual physical reaction or anxiety attack about a comment a few days ago and it makes me scared to read them. I wish I would just write a bunch of bullshit and never wrote about having a mental illness or about being an alcoholic.I could just put on a grand facade for the world to see. I blunder on like the proverbial bull in the blogging china shop.

I have a ton of email to respond to. Don't fret. I will get to them soon. My social phobias extend to the online world as well making me not check email very often. I promise I will tackle them in the order they were received. I appreciate those of you that take the time to write me and also to comment.

Checked the tracking online and Clara's sleeping bag should be delivered today. The bag I ordered for her was only $120 dollars, but it's rated down to 20 degrees. It should keep her toasty warm until the coldest part of winter hits. Hopefully, she will have a home by then.

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25 comments:

nameless to protect the innocent said...

Hi Andrew....*extending my hand in greeting*

I've been reading you for a coupla weeks and I want to thank you for hours of interesting (and insitefull) reads...

I rarely comment (call me lazy, no wait, call me nameless), but please know that I'm lurking in the ethers, awaiting your newest words.....

Glenda J said...

ANdrew, if you do decide to go invite only, I'd be honored if you would invite me. I truely admire your blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Barb said...

Are my comments too judgemental, harsh? Now I am needing to be entirely quiet, I love to read you, and all too often, my commenting mind gets ahead of me. I am sorry if judgement has gotten the best of me, I think of you when I am not here, and hope only the best for you. Paranoid, perhaps, but that is what I am...my husband often calls me Paranoid Patty!

B~

Josie Two Shoes said...

I hear you on the paranoia, Andrew! As you know, I share a great deal of my real self on my blog, and I have often thought about how much damage some evil person could do to my life if they really wanted. I can also understand your discomfort with all the "you should do/you shouldn't do" comments here. People do that because they care for you, Andrew. Because they want you to be well and happy. The intent is not malicious, even if at times a bit misguided. You have choices. You can so invitation only - for trusted friends so you can feel comfortable, you can block comments altogether but that would give you no feedback, or you can learn to sift thru them without feeling the need to take them all that personally - they are just opinions after all. You can also block anonymous comments, which would cut down on a little of the negativity which sometimes appears here. Bottom line is though, you are Andrew, and we love you just as you are. Your writing is NEVER milquetoast, but this is your place and we want you to feel comfortable to share yourself here. Do whatever you must do, and know that I will understand.

As for the many emails - we are under NO obligation to respond to every email we receive, no matter how well intended. I could be doing that 24/7 if I tried, and I'm sure that you could too. Do them when, and IF you feel like it - work on brief answers to the ones you simply want to acknowlege, and don't beat yourself up if you never get to the bottom of the pile. I rarely do! I send mine simply to reach out to you, no response is ever needed unless the spirit moves you.

Dave said...

Hey Andrew... You may not realize it but you are an inspiration to those who read your posts. Besides, if someone chooses to respond in a negative manner, that is their problem and certainly not yours.

I could never think of offering you any advice since I do not know you personally and would not assume to have the answers to your life's questions. I can only hope that I could be an inspiration to others as you are to us.

Keep on writing!

:-)

Ladyfriend said...

Oh please don't go "invite" only! I found your blog a couple of weeks ago, and you're always my first read of the morning.

You seem to be one of the strongest people around. Stronger than most people I know.

How can someone I have never met, move me to tears?

I've never struggled with alcohol, drugs or mental illness myself --although my ex-husband is in a state hospital because of all three. Yet because of him, because of what I went thru with him, I find myself cheering you on...wanting you to win your race.

If you do go "invite" only, please remember my name...Ladyfriend...I know, it makes me sound like I'm a 70 year old firecracker, but I'm actually only a few years older than you!

Davo said...

It is sad to think a man doesn't have the right to go to a public park in the middle of the night anymore. It is sad to think you can't get paid for your writing because you might lose your meds. Thank you for highlighting this and other things a lot of us might never think about and doing it in a way that's always interesting.

Sherri said...

Well, I hope you do not go to invite only. I read your blog almost daily. I am going through some tough times and find you to be inspirational. I am sorry there are people who are judging or negative. I worry about things too.

Beautifully Profound said...

Just make it so you can't receive anonymous comments. Then people won't be so apt to leave negative comments.

abbagirl74 said...

What's up booger? Don't let a couple of negative comments get you down. Hopefully you will read all of the comments we post and realize we are all behind you. Life has a couple of haters every now and again. No worries! We love you!

Heavenly Jen said...

I LOVE THIS BLOG! i laugh and cry daily with you

Manifesting Mini Me (MMM) said...

Dear Andrew - thank you for being so candid and courageous in sharing your life - yes there are those who do not know how to value such but I believe there are more here who truly do see and esteem what you share here. Thanks once again!

EE said...

Do you think you're going through a blogging slump? I do this periodically. Nothing motivates me to write during this time...it just feels like a chore.
I love reading your blog, Andrew.
You are so nice to get the bag for Clara. Take care.

pai said...

sorry about the preaching - I'll give it a rest.

Eric said...

Should I throw my two cents worth in? Ok, so I always do...lol. In my opinion, you should do what you feel is best for you. It seems to me that writing is a sort of therapy for you and if the comments rob you of that therapy, ditch the comments. You seem to inspire so many people, I include myself in that group. I am a fan of writing, maybe even a struggling author myself and what I read on this blog hones my craft and gives me a pleasurable read.

By the way, did you see the Mythbuster's show where they tested the "bull in a china shop" line? It was amazing.

Portia said...

it happens. i hope the week looks up!

Leann said...

Andrew, I love reading your blog. You overcome adversity everytime it rears it's ugly head. We all go thru those valleys. I know your's seem particularly deep when you're in them, but know we're on those mountain tops cheering you on and there surrounding you when you need the comfort of friends.

Anonymous said...

You have to do what is right for you, Andrew. If "invite only" makes you feel more comfortable, go for it. You are a special person and I wish you the very best.

Tory said...

We all love to read you, Andrew. Pay no attention to the negative stuff and remember, you inspire a lot of people in what you write.
I am also going through a bit of a 'dry spell' lately, but it happens to all of us.
Take care and don't stop.
Tory

Big Peach Runner said...

Andrew,

Please don't go invite only! I love your blog and you are clearly an inspiration to so many. You are very courageous to be as open and candid as you are. I would agree with the suggestion that maybe you shouldn't accept anonymous comments anymore. Try that and see how that works for a little while...in the meantime please know how many people are cheering you on.

All the best.

I AM... said...

Hope you don't do invite only, just found and love your blog. Not only do you write superbly, you also write about real and worthy subjects and people. My dear friend as an irishman I have a whole family and country that are alcholic...don't give yourself a hard time about it...that will only make it worse..some of the nicest people I know drink to much...and that includes myself, at least until recently. Bye for now will read more as time goes by. Oh..you're added to my blog list.
bye DitD

Chandira said...

I hope I get an invite.. Can't blame you, there are some negative people on the net, as I discovered the other day on YouTube.

I hope you look at least at the number of comments you get, and realize people really care about your world and the wonderful way you put it out there. :-)

And after 3 years of incessantly blogging, I understand the dry spells. They pass.

EternalLove said...

you're inspirational
don't go to only invites
keep it up and stay strong

GivnN2Temptation said...

Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

You're an honorable man!
Always,
Crusty~