I poured the rest of the beer down the drain. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had twenty left to pour out. I got on the phone and called Phillip. Our local Patriarch for our AA meetings.
"Phillip, I drank four beers this afternoon," I told him. "Can I still come to AA?"
"Where is the rest of the beer?" he asked.
"I poured it out," I replied.
"Get to a meeting tonight when you sober up. Come even if you are still drunk. Do you need a ride?"
I was no where near drunk -- just mellow and calm. This, I assured him.
"I can walk," I replied. "And will see you at the meeting."
We talked longer of how cunning and baffling alcohol can be. I told him it all started with me seeing Ferret this morning and my desire to be a homeless alcoholic.
"You can find a new way of living in these rooms if you just keep trying," Phillip told me before I got off the phone. It was so reassuring to hear him say that on the other end.
I feel so tired and wasted. It has been a tough few days with my mental illness and I have been thinking irrationally. Throw in my addiction and it can be doubly hard. Thank you to those of you that understand and commented. I do appreciate it very much.