Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Sleepless

It's midnight. I am sitting on my porch smoking one cigarillo after another. I remark how bad of a time it was for Maggie to learn to use her dog door. She barks incessantly outside. I finally get her inside with one of her favorite dog treats and continue my smoking session.

I've had a rough few days. Days in which my mental illness has really kicked my butt. It is times such as these that I want to give up -- fold my cards so to speak. I really wish I could go to bed for a few days at a time until I get to feeling better.

 Soon, Rosa steps outside and I immediately feel better. This is why I keep carrying on.

"You coming to bed soon?" she asks.

"Let me smoke a little more," I reply.

"I worry about you when you get like this," she says as she sits down in the chair next to me.

"Just having you around make a huge difference," I tell her.

I watch as she disappears beyond my porch door headed for the bed.  Just the thought of her curling up in the covers makes me sleepy. Knowing that someone in my real life truly cars makes all the difference in the world.  I am blessed. It is time for bed for me.  

10 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

I am up late tonight too, Andrew. I was thinking of you and wondering if you were also awake. I know you've been going thru some rough days lately, and I am so grateful you have Rosa there for comfort. Believe me, you have more people than you know who truly care about you. I am one of them. Sleep well Andrew, dream good dreams. You will be ok.

Manuel said...

http://irriducibili1987.blogspot.com
my italian blog about Lazio "the first team of rome"
manuel -irr87-
p.s. answer on my blog thx!

Anonymous said...

Get out of here you fascist!! (lazio)

justLacey said...

was up at 3 am myself today. maybe it's the time of year. do you think maybe your meds need adjusting? perhaps that could help. give old kermit the frog a call and see what he thinks.

NastyPredator said...

wow, you're a thinker. i like your posts a lot and read them every day. all the very best!

√Čric Shannon said...

You have an interesting way with words. And an interesting life as well. Keep up the writing.

I was also wondering about the picture behind your title. It looks like Montreal, my hometown. Where did you get that pic?

Cheryl said...

You and Rosa are lucky to have each other. Very lucky. Keep your spirits up through these hard times. Better times will come. Truly.

I'll write later and let you know about the doctor's appointment.

Tee said...

You are truly blessed. Hang in there, this too shall pass. :-)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Like a big crest of a wave, just stay strong and ride it into the beach-soon you'll feel the sand beneath your toes and you'll feel a bit more back to normal.
I hope things get better sooner than later for you.
We're cheering you on in our silent virtual bleachers.
Always,
Crusty~

Portia said...

it's so nice to hear you say that you are blessed. i am too, and while it is not always the foremost thought in my mind, the knowledge alone means so much.