Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Power to Help; The Power to Harm

Breakfast was cooked this morning and Rosa and me went on our walk after a short car ride. I was discussing with Rosa something I had been meaning to discuss for a long time and had been avoiding.

"If I get really ill mentally then I don't want you to be my caretaker," I told her. "Let the doctors and the hospitals handle it."

"But..." Rosa tried to protest.

"I don't want any arguments about this," I told her. "My ex-wife grew to resent me and hate me because of my illness."


"I don't want any buts. Trust me on this. My father will handle the details. He has power of attorney over me."

The end of our walk brought us by the shopping center.  Clara was already roused from her sleeping spot behind the center.

"Hasn't this weather just been perfect?" she asked Rosa and me, cheerily.

"It has been gorgeous," we replied.

In her hand was a cup of coffee from the diner and it was shaky. I told Rosa she was not long for a drink.

"Seeing that reminds me so much of where I have come from," I told Rosa. "The morning shakes are the worst."

Something of Clara reminds Rosa of her past and she dislikes the feeling.

"I've been around people like that all my life," she said. "I don't wanna go back."

On that note, I drove us home with not much planned for today.  I am going to work on my memoirs while Rosa reads and watches t.v. I worry about her getting bored, but she seems content. Rosa and me, we have similar "styles."  Well, let me get busy writing. 


Jenn said...

She probably enjoys the "boring" stuff. I imagine a life on the streets is enough activity and chaos for anyone.

Tee said...

Peace in your life is NOT boring! Oh Andrew, why would you want to deny Rosa the opportunity to care for you IF your illness got worse. That is part of her nature, women are wired that way, you know. When you love someone you want to take care of them should something arise, it's not in a woman's nature to abandon the one she loves. Perhaps, your ex-wife was just too young or didn't truly love you. Don't rob Rosa by excluding her from your life in the future should a problem arise. Rethink your position.

Rainy Conversation said...

She already is taking care of you.

Shell said...

Wow, I have just had a very similar conversation that I have not even had a chance to recount...I don't know what it is that makes us not want to seem vulnerable and that is why we tell significant people in our life at some point to go away.


At least the writers block has lifted in your world!! I really enjoyed this post..as usual I think of my brother.

Portia said...

the comment box isn't working on your latest post, Of Homelessness and Deodorant. didn't work for me, anyway.
will check back...later gator

Jay M. said...


Great decision on your part. I know Rosa means a lot to you, and loves you dearly, and would also do anything to take care of you. However, you know that the doctors and professionals and the help of your dad are the things that will help you actually get better if you hit a really rough patch.

I don't think you'd deny Rosa of anything, she would obviously still be a huge part of your life, and sometimes the love and care from a woman is the right medicine. But the doctors know what they're doing, and you and your dad have been through this before. No worries!

justLacey said...

Part of the reason Rosa has been so successful is that she doesn't want to go back. It's good that she dislikes the feeling, it will keep her strong. You have chosen a good friend in her. You need more like her.