I actually showered today, which was a plus, but I forgot the anti-perspirant, a minor setback. While at Krystal's, writing, I realized among all the unwashed employed, that I smelled. My old nemesis, social anxiety, hit hard. I had to find some deodorant. Off to Wal-Mart I went -- the grand tabernacle of all things cheap, tacky, and made in China. I can find my way in and out of our local Wal-Mart faster than any man alive when they have enough lanes open which rarely happens. My deodorant was purchased and I glided it on in the car. I felt immediately better, as if someone had applied some soothing magic balm. Social anxiety is weird in that way. I no longer felt I stood out.
I made my way back home now exhausted from my shopping spree. I sat out on my porch smoking one cigarillo after another. The Homeless Guy had written a post trying to explain why he has been homeless for over twenty years and it made me think.
For the chronically homeless, like myself, assimilation back into the real world requires a great deal of effort on many fronts. But mostly, chronically homeless people need to reestablish a belief within themselves that our society is actually worth the trouble of belonging to. As long as the world appears to them to be nothing but a hostile place, they will never even make the attempt.
He paints the "chronically homeless" with a broad brush that mainly should only be used on him. He is telling you what it would take for him to not be homeless, not for the actual chronically homeless. Rosa, who was homeless, read his blog yesterday and told me, "It makes you think he was never on the streets. Homeless people don't talk like that at all." I have heard this said about the guy before. The only way for him to gain a home is for him to have someone like my father be his benefactor. My father bought me a car, home, and helps with my medications. He also is a strong motivator for staying sober as all this would fall apart if I were to drink again on a regular basis.
Thinking of homelessness this morning made me think of what I have been lacking in life lately and that was healthy friendships and interactions with people outside my usual sphere of friends. I need AA despite all the religious mumbo jumbo and undertones. I need the comradery and the friends. I need a place to go every night that is safe and healthy. This will go a long way in ensuring that I always have a home. The Homeless Guy can talk the talk, but I actually get a chance to walk the walk so to speak. As he sits around waiting for society to change, I can make a change in my own life, here and now, with like minded people. And that is something, I fear, he will never learn. Change, it truly is a powerful motivator.