Wednesday, September 5, 2007

A Meeting's End

My first meeting back in a long time went well. I picked up another white chip signifying the start of a new bout of sobriety which was symbolic of the new life I am going to try and build. I also shared my story, warts and all, including the mouthwash drinking. I had a court ordered meeting goer approach me after the meeting about what I said.

"You actually drank mouthwash?!"

"I am shamed to admit it, but yes, I did."


"It was a dollar a bottle and got you just as drunk or drunker than a case of beer that cost almost twenty."

"Where did you find out about doing that?"

"From a homeless friend," I replied. "He drank it all the time."

The guy was fixated on my mouthwash imbibing days, and I hope I didn't put errant thoughts into his head. I shudder when just writing about it and it makes me want to throw up. This guy was also fixated on "what an alcoholic actually was." He was in the meetings cause he drove his truck up drunk into a group of trees and almost killed himself. I keep hoping these court ordered meeting goers find something good in the meetings. They certainly have grown in number since I last attended.


justLacey said...

I'm glad to read you are trying to pick up the pieces of your life. A new start is refreshing and I hope in it you can find what you are looking for. Life is hard, no doubt and dealing with mental illness has made it harder for you. Still, you have come so far I would hate to see you fall back into the abyss of it. The Rescue Mission would just be another religious program for you to look at and think about why it is you can't seem to belive. Perhaps because it's not believable for most people. I will list some books you might enjoy later on spirituality not religion. They are not the same thing imho. It could give you a new perspective or at least be an interesting read. Hang in there Andrew, you are doing a great job of trying to find yourself in life. Sometimes it just takes a while.

philth said...


Have been away from my PC for 2 weeks and catching up with you has been great comfort in helping me get back on track. Whilst I've never been homeless, Ive struggled with my own mental illness - the main difficulty being getting the repeat prescription when I run out of meds. I just can't be bothered.

But anyway - so good to hear your ok after your downtime. Keep your chin up, and say hi to Maggie and Rosa for me.

Phil in the UK.

Summer said...

Kitty Dukakis.

Cheryl said...

I'm glad to hear that there's new people at your AA meeting. I remember in the past that this group has been kind of stogy. Is that the word? And Rosa had to pretend she was an alcoholic too? Going to the meetings will give you something else to do, and new people to write about. Is Rosa interested in NA also?

Seems like you're on to something good. I can tell by your writing.

'See ya' after work!

Nikita1 said...

Hi Andrew...glad to hear you've attended the meeting and being positive is fantastic...on my blog i've uploaded a move...with the most fantastic music of Sweet People..go and listen to it..will make you relax a bit...i always find their music very relaxing and get my mind positive for things i want to do...

Nikita1 said...

...i mean a movie...not a move..sorry...

Nikita1 said...

...there is also 2 movies from Enya on my site too...saw you like her music has been uploaded a couple of days ago...beautiful!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Good for you, Andrew! I'm glad that your meeting was a positive experience and that you are eager to move ahead with your life.

Court ordered meeting goers - hopefully are there to help themselves maintain sobriety, and not just to meet legal requirements. Too often that is the case and it doesn't work out in the long term. As you know, motivation is everything.


Don't concern yourself with that man's inquisitive nature...if he's looking for quick fixes, he'll use anything, and if for some reason he involves himself with that, you are not responsible for it.

I recall a close family member telling me at one time that the best place to get ideas and drugs is rehab want good weed? go to an AA meeting...

so basically, it's not your fault..
Be proud of your honesty and that your social anxieties didn't get in the way as much as you were concerned that they would.

Next time you see that guy, feel free to tell him that vanilla extract works just as well as mouthwash.. :)


Le Fleur said...

Oh wow, I wish I were as brave as you are. I know that my group therepy in highschool helped me a lot, it certainly gave me a reason to pull myself out of bed when I was in my down periods, but I've put off looking for another group like it because I'm so afraid of new people.

I knew everyone in the group in girl was in band with me, another I had played volleyball with before I quit and the youngest girl was dating a trumpet player in the band and I seem to be becoming more shy about my personal life when "outside".

I guess my grandma's advice about not airing my dirty laundry is finally getting to me, but sometimes its the only thing that will keep us sane. Of course, grandma didn't know I'm bipolar. Perhaps I'll try again.