Last night's AA group was small. There was only three of us. I like the anonymity of larger groups and felt uncomfortable. I shared that I hoped my higher power was going to help me find a sponsor -- someone to guide me through the steps. This spurred the two older men in attendance with six years sobriety each to tell me their sponsor stories. I finally grew relaxed after a few moments and settled in.
"The first sponsor I had was terrible," one man said. "We were a complete mismatch. So don't give up at first."
I want to find a sponsor who has dealt with social anxiety or mental Illness, but my chances are slim. I keep holding out hopes that God is going to guide me to find him -- a God of my understanding. It is going to be a major hurdle for me to overcome to ask though. I have been playing various scenarios out in my head for practice.
"Hi. I am Andrew and I am an alcoholic. Will you be my sponsor?"
"I heard you speak in the meeting. Will you be my sponsor?"
"Help!!! I need your help!!!"
The last one sounds too desperate doesn't it? *laughs out loud* It is these social situations like this that can often mystify those of us with schizophrenia and social anxiety. We are like small children still being taught the ins and outs of social etiquette. I just hope that when the time comes I will know it and will use it to my advantage.