Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Down the path the darkened road lies...

Why do I want to go live here? I don't get my urge for self destructiveness sometimes. This is all I can think about and it is a short drive from me. I was told by an AA old timer today that I have been on a "dry drunk." I feel maybe some program is in order to give me a structured and more stable living environment. My rational mind tells me there is nothing structured and stable about living amidst a group of homeless addicts and alcoholics. Yet, I find it appealing. Gah! I am going to just throw myself into some 12 step meetings over the next few weeks and see how things go. OA, AA, NA. I am going to them all.

14 comments:

Katie W said...

I think a few people have suggested this before Andrew but would doing some volunteer work help with your lack of routine. It wouldn't affect your benefits, would have less pressure than a job, but will give you that structure you so obviously crave.
It would also give you a big boost in confidence and a sense of self worth. Helping other people is one of the best parts of my week.
Maybe you could find something that wasn't directly involved in people. If you were in the UK I'd know which organisations to suggest, but maybe someone in the US could suggest some ideas.

runner said...

What is a "dry drunk"?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

ha, that's exactly what I was going to ask, Runner, what exactly is a "dry drunk?" Is it someone that isn't drinking liquor but is displaying all the signs of an alcoholic in trouble?

I looked at that place, and to be forthright, I wouldn't want to live their either.
Always,
Crusty~

Andrew said...

Katie,

Thank you. It is hard to find voluteering positions here because of the drive involved. I guess I could volunteer down at the hospital. I was hoping for something a little more altruistic, though.

Runner,

A dry drunk is where you have the midset and thoughts of an alcholic, but actually haven't drank per se. "Not working the program," is what they always said in AA.

Andrew said...

Crusty, you beef you! lol You must have been posting at the same time as me. I wasn't avoiding you. Thanks you for always taking the time to make me smile.

runner said...

Thanks for the explanation.

I have several friends in addiction recovery programs, not AA exactly, but along the same lines.

"Working the steps" or "working the program" is something they talk about a lot.

I greatly respect the honesty and perseverance of someone recovering from addiction. I also greatly respect someone who doesn't feel that they have to make it on their own - none of us are strong enough for that (although many of us pretend).

PipeTobacco said...

Sir:

I am really not sure if I should post here or not. However, since you have posted on my site twice in the last week or so, I am going to give it a try again, because I have greatly valued our friendship. I had thought that you were purposefully avoiding talking with me, but perhaps that is not the case. I am hopeful.

As for my opinions on the matters you have written about recently, I feel strongly you are not a "dry drunk". I, for one, have never though you an alcoholic in any form whatsoever. I simply think you are a person who enjoys drinking from time-to-time, and that if anything, you simply choose to overindulge on those occasions you have drunk recently. I feel confident, that someday, if you ever choose to return to drinking, you can become comfortable with drinking in smaller quantities. I really do not want to read others getting huffy by the above comments so I will state clearly the following.... "I am not saying Andrew should drink. I am saying he may at some point choose to. I think he has the capability I mentioned above. He may choose to never drink again, and that is perfectly wonderful if that is his choice. I simply hope his choice is HIS choice, not the heavy weight of society trying to mandate his thoughts and actions."

That said, I also feel that the friendship and camaraderie you experience at the AA meetings is a wonderful thing for you. As you stated, it helps you have a routine, a place to go, a destination to aim for. Also, you have developed strong friendships with several there, and that is wonderful! In the same vein, you have such wonderful and strong friendships with the "gang" at the Piggly-Wiggly and Kroger as well. They too, enrich your life. And, of course, Rosa, is an wonderful friend for you as well.

Therefore, what is my message? It is several fold.... 1) I am glad for your friendship and I hope you are for mine as well, 2) You have a great deal of talent and ability, to accomplish the things you want to that will make your life rewarding to you, 3) All the people I mention (as well as others) are friends to cherish and hold dear, and 4) Keep the creative juices flowing (be it writing, painting, photography, or whatever). Creativity is the way in which you make a mark on society.

What are my ancillary messages? 1) Do not let others berate or negate your ideas, 2) Try to not buy into some of the sillier things of modern society (especially psychobabble), and 3) Live life to be happy, and to give back so that others are happy as well!

You have the talent, the drive, and the time and space. You will be able to feel and give happiness with your efforts.

Your friend,

PipeTobacco

Josie Two Shoes said...

LOL Andrew - "I am going to them all" - it sure couldn't hurt and you just might find it helpful!

Nikita1 said...

Hi Andrew, you seemed to have some good writing qualities...I like the way you're writing...why not try your hand on a children's story! About a family where the dad is always...or sometimes drunk...and then with a happy ending...i'm sure you will be able to do it! I can see yourself as a writer...even of a children's story...and, being good at art...you can illustrate the book too...what about volunteering to do something without any payment...just to get involved in something...and to meet other sensible people, people like you!

impromptublogger said...

I expect there are other volunteering you could do. Is there a library in town? Perhaps you could teach literacy - you have such a love of writing and books. Or volunteering through a church? I know you're not religious but if they have some sort of program it would be good for you.

Nikita1 said...

yeah! Library a good idea, to read stories to children? Story-hour? or to do some art with them? Even if it is simple, children love drawing and stories...and i can see yourself enjoy reading it to them! or telling stories! I think you will be good at making your own up! I'm just getting excited on your behalf...or you start a story and they continue it...compare and illustrate together...you can mean so much to primary children with all your fantastic skills of writing!

Anonymous said...

How's the art lessons coming? I had to laugh about attending all the meetings. :-)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

oh yeah! The art lessons...what's up with that?
And,..no worries on avoiding the crustybeef...sometimes it's hard to take without a glass of milk next to you!! :)
I'm so glad I could bring a smile to your face.
And I'm glad to see that some of your old support systems have resurfaced... :")
Always,
Crusty~

Portia said...

whatever works. i think it was amanda that said on her blog at some point, trial and error is your friend. good words to remember.